AITA – Our daughter (27) is dating a man she met on-line (32).
They have now been together almost 5 years. When they met, she was 1/2 way through her first year of Medical School and was 23 years old. She lived 90 minutes away from home and he lived in the same town.
Fast forward to last year, and after 4 years of dating, she had never met a single member of his family and only a very small number of friends from high school. After multiple concerning events, including less than two months into their relationship him “surprising her” with a weekend away (not telling her where they were going, which ended up being about 3 hours from where they lived), and took her camping in February (we live in a COLD weather state). We (my husband, daughters and I) all follow each others locations (voluntarily) so we were freaked out when we saw she was 3 hours from home at 11:30 at night. When we called to talk it kept going to voicemail. She finally answered and sounded very strange and “out of it”. She said she had fallen asleep in the car and her phone was in her purse. He finally told her what the surprise was, because we were so worried and we told her that was crazy and we weren’t comfortable with the choices he was making. Long story short, they couldn’t get checked into the campsite because it was after midnight in the dead of winter and no one was there to check them in. They got a hotel and went back the next morning. She ended up getting violently ill while there with him and they ended up back at the hotel and then came home. All very sketchy. She claims he had all the gear to safely camp in -10 degree weather from his time “in the military”. I called bullshit.
Add to bad decision making, lots of examples of him drinking too much, to job jumping/instability, his “stolen identity” impacting his credit to the point that they couldn’t rent a house together, the Army / VA “messing up his paperwork” several times, preventing him from getting funding for college tuition (he told her he was finishing his degree at a state school and then going to Law School when they met on-line), things were not adding up for me.
As of today, now 5 years into their relationship, he still hasn’t graduated from college, let alone applied to or been accepted into Law School. At a family holiday in their first year of dating, my SIL asked him about the LSAT. He made up a score that was completely inaccurate and she subtly questioned him, as she IS a Lawyer, unbeknownst to him at the time. He evaded and changed the topic.
He had a relationship with his family that he “ended” shortly after they started dating. He got “an emotional support” animal, for “PTSD” from his time in the “Special Forces” in the military. There were issues with the dog being cared for by his parents and that, added to other “circumstances with them”, he ceased communication with them and she’s never met them. He has two siblings, she has never met them, or their kids either.
He closed down his Facebook account shortly after they started dating (I know this because I looked and found him, before he shut it down. Because I admittedly stalked him, I know a few things about his and his family’s lives).
He claimed he played a year of college soccer because he parents made him go. Couldn’t find him on the roster for where and when he supposedly played there. Asked again one time via text what college he attended and he wouldn’t answer. Sketchy.
Said he hated school, and went into the military, which his parents vehemently opposed. Or so he claimed. That they fought because they were unsupportive of his decision to join the military.
He said no one in his family supported him joining the military and they didn’t see him when he got out, or make a big deal about it.
He says he was in the military for 7 years, but suffered a knee injury in action and was no longer able to serve. He said he had to have it replaced, in his mid -late 20s.
But then he joined the National Guard to finish out his commitment, even though his knee injury was still something he was struggling with. The same knee injury that forced him into early retirement. Make it make sense. Answered in circles when asked.
He never answered questions about his military past, deployments and his job while serving. He claims everyone in his unit either died in action, died in various accidents after they got out, or took their own lives. Says he’s the sole survivor. So, she’s never met anyone he served with, because not a single one is still alive, except him.
Based on erratic and bizarre behavior exhibited by him at family events, I had concerns about drug abuse. I tried to share my concerns with her over the years, but she wouldn’t listen.
Meanwhile, our daughter has now graduated from Medical School with high honors, secured her dream residency and is kicking ass. We have never been invited to either of the places they have lived. After graduating medical school, the moved about 30 minutes from where we live.
He’s on his 4th or 5th job and I still don’t know what he does for work. A “property manager” he claims, with a real estate license.
To be a property manager in our state, you are required to have a real estate license. Well, when I couldn’t find his real estate license, (because based on my former job I I know how to look that up), either current or expired, I had enough. I had legitme proof that he is a liar.
So… I hired a private investigator. Took me 6 months to work up the courage to have a conversation with my daughter about it and what they found. She was livid and has really stopped speaking to me.
So… with all that info… AITA for wanting to protect my daughter and find out what kind of person she’s aligned herself with?
