Hey all,
I want to know if I’m over reacting. I’m from the UK and family of five. Me (F, early 40’s), husband (M, mid 40’s) 3 children, (M 17, 15 and 13).
It’s Christmas and I had to work half the day yesterday (13-2030, with a 45 minute journey each way). The boys did their stockings in the morning. I went to work, they went to MIL for a drink, then hubby cooked Christmas lunch for him, the boys and my mother. A bit of back story,
He’s a good man, we share the chores, parenting but we both work FT so in my opinion that’s how it should work. Our marriage has been really struggling for a while but the last 6 months or so have been awful, he however, doesn’t feel there’s a problem. We have talked about it, he says he loves me but there is no intimacy at all; I don’t feel cared for, loved or any relationship more than a friend with him. We’re two people who share a house, a bed and children. The only time he comes near me is if he wants sex, then I get kisses and cuddles until I give in, have sex, all for his pleasure, mine is irrelevant; then he goes back to his normal routine. Just add that we haven’t had sex in 6 weeks, I don’t want to initiate anything because I don’t feel cherished anymore and why should I when I’m literally a vessel to empty himself into.
Anyway, today comes and we open our tree presents so the boys from us (well me as he had nothing to do with choosing, paying or wrapping a single gift). Him from me, normal boring stuff(socks, pants) plus engraved rugby boots, beer, plus a few other bits that I put thought into.
I had picked up a few bits for myself that I liked and gave them to him (fluffy bed socks, a hat and a pair of gloves) to wrap. He had ordered some socks on line for me that I opened as it was addressed to me (because he’d ordered it from my account and I thought it was the stuff I ordered.)
Sorry this is longer than I planned, we lost our cat a few months ago and I’d been looking for a kitten. He confessed that he and the children were going to surprise me with one for Christmas but as he saw me looking thought he’d let me choose. That is great, I’ve found a kitten that I love and she’s coming in the New Year; exciting! Under the tree were all the gifts as above and one that was wrapped that looked like a cat carrier/lidded litter tray. I thought he done as I suggested, get a litter tray and put a few bits for the kitten in there, so I had something to open, that was a little bit of a surprise. I opened it and found it was an old cat carrier from our shed that wasn’t even complete, the door was lost. I’m really upset, I’m hurt and angry; he thinks I’m over reacting because “I would have had the kitten for Christmas if I hadn’t guessed”
AITA? I feel this is the last straw for our marriage, I know it sounds ridiculous over a gift but all I wanted was him to put a bit of thought into a small gift that wasn’t socks or something I’d bought. He keeps repeating that he had the idea for a kitten and I would of had that, but we knew weeks ago that she wouldn’t be coming till the new year, giving him time to get a small something. Surely I’m worth that? I don’t know, am I over reacting?
