AITAH for refusing to attend my husband’s family events after realizing I’m only welcome when I’m useful?
I (30F) have been married to my husband (33M) for four years. His family is very close, and at first I tried hard to fit in. I helped cook, clean, organize birthdays, buy gifts, and babysit younger relatives whenever asked.
Over time, I noticed a pattern. I’m only contacted when they need something. If there’s an event, I’m expected to help behind the scenes, but rarely included in decisions or conversations. When I stopped volunteering as much, the invites slowed down.
The breaking point was a recent family gathering where I found out—while already there—that I was expected to help cook and watch kids all day while everyone else relaxed. No one asked me. It was just assumed. When I said I was tired and wanted to sit down, I was told I was being “antisocial.”
Later, my husband said I embarrassed him and that helping family is just “part of being a wife.” I told him I don’t mind helping, but I won’t attend events where I’m treated like unpaid labor.
Now I’m skipping his family gatherings entirely unless expectations are clearly communicated beforehand. His family says I’m distancing myself, and my husband says I’m creating unnecessary drama.
AITAH for refusing to attend family events where I feel used?
