AITAH it’s a long long story about my mother, but I’ll say I didn’t talk to her for 10 years because she was an awful parent growing up.
Through chain of events that occurred 9 years ago she was involved and I left her back in mine and my kids lives telling her not to f it up again cause there’s no third chances. Fast forward 9 years it’s never been great but was okay, didn’t really talk to her too much cause she was still the same person. Well recently my oldest son enlisted and she felt necessary to just be rude and tell me to get over my feelings of worry, sadness, and all that. I ignored her, so in September my son had basic graduation. We rented a house with her and my aunt (she’s been more a mother to me than my mother always watched my kids, took me to the hospital with them, etc etc etc). When we got to the house my mother and her husband were there, literally just off driving 12 hours excited to see my son as it was 12 weeks! I get out my car and first thing she says to me is “so there’s 3 bedrooms one has a bathroom and the other 2 don’t and there’s a bathroom in the hallway which room so you want”. Now we knew this info when I booked the house as I shared this with her and my aunt but I just drove 12 hours and this is your first question when I get out the car so I said “mom I don’t know we just got here” she responds “well pick your f room so I can put my stuff away”. Then walked away my aunt and I looked at one another and I said well here we go. I had my husband pick I knew whatever choice I made she wouldn’t like. He picked bedroom with bathroom and told her, she replies back well just cause you pick the room with the bathroom doesn’t make that just your bathroom. While they put stuff away my other children went on the tv. After they were done her husband comes around the corner flipping out “I’m not putting up with this I’m getting a hotel room then” and they walked out for dinner. We were confused and I said oh so now they are mad the boys are on the tv and instead being an adult and asking for the tv back let’s make a scene? For those who don’t know military a person in basic training at most locations gets a “tap out”. What it is, the solider stands in formation until someone taps them out. It’s a very touching moment and typically a SO or parent does it. So on his family day I told my mother don’t touch him that’s a tap out and it’s a big deal and his father and I were going to do it. But if she wanted to take pictures or videos that be great and my aunt would do the other. She disappeared then and wasn’t there for it. Well I also told them family day he can’t leave the barracks so whatever he wanted to do was what we were doing. They were annoyed with the stuff he had planned and half way through the day went back to the house we rented. I thought it was rude you came to see him, spend time with him, but instead go back and watch tv and go to dinner, which I packed food for us for the day. I kept my mouth shut didn’t say anything, we sat in the parking lot with my son till the moment he had to be in formation! The next day is graduation day, but the night before at the house we were all sitting around the table and I said he gets tapped out again and for her not to do it again. She didn’t seem thrilled, but that’s her problem. Seeing the reaction all the boys had on family day I wanted the brothers to tap him out. So at graduation they showed up late, sat end the row with us, ran down and she tapped him out. She was so proud of it too, announcing when I was looking for him “he’s here here I did it I tapped him out” I was livid but kept my cool and said “that’s wrong” hugged my son left it at that. Well then she was salty all day. We spent the day with him at the house, when I made dinner she stayed in the living room for 2 hours while there was a plate I made for her at her seat but she didn’t join in, not my problem. We left shortly after dinner to take him back and sat in the parking lot again till he had to run over. So I haven’t spoken to them since then. Fast forward to November my son graduated AIT while there she was texting the boys “what do you want for Christmas” which she always went through me so I could get them stuff first. When we were home, I texted her and her husband to let them know we decided not to have the holidays this year and that I knew she was inquiring about Christmas she could send the gifts to the house and I would let them know who got them for them. I got a response a few weeks ago “while we can appreciate you guys wanting to do the holiday as a family it’s ridiculous to have us send them, I spoke to my husband and we will pick boys up on a Friday or Saturday and take them to lunch and give them their gifts” followed by her husband “good job”. I didn’t respond cause here we are again her deciding what to do with my boys and not asking and her husband being immature. So my son is home for Christmas, she decided to go through him now and he said she texted wanting to meet them for lunch Sunday. I told him I needed to talk to him first. My middle son knows what’s going on and he didn’t want to go and see them is what he told me, I told him if he choose to I would respect it, but he made the choice not to see them. I didn’t talk to the youngest as he’s young and has some learning support stuff and I didn’t want to involve him in it yet but I wasn’t going to send them. Well now the middle son wants what he is getting from them and said if the older one goes he will go because he doesn’t want him to go alone. I said to the middle one I said tell the truth about what you said to me. He said I don’t want to see them but since he wants to go I don’t want him to be alone either. So I talked to my oldest. I got emotional and I said I’m not happy about you guys going but your an adult and can decide for yourself. I said she was horrible to me my entire life growing up and horrible when I had you guys which is why I stopped talking to her and now I’m processing this as an adult all over again cause I told her not to do what she did and that’s disrespectful and for her to believe it’s okay shows her character. I said but because of her being how she’s always been it’s taught me how not to be with you boys and that’s why we have our close relationship. I said I won’t be mad at you guys if you go I’ll respect it and not like it, but that being said she isn’t to ask anything personal, my name is not to come into conversation and if she starts talking about me you tell her not to. So now here I am in my head on a great time my son is home while my mother is being like she always has. Am I the A?
