“AITA for ’embarrassing’ my wife in front of our 12-year-old?”

My wife (42F) is generally great. One of her positive traits is that she is extremely well-organized. She has all sorts of to-do lists, a meticulously managed calendar, etc. This is usually a good thing as she rarely forgets anything. However, sometimes this leads to somewhat absurd results, as in this example.

The other day, my wife and I (41M) are sitting on the couch watching TV. Our 12-year-old daughter comes in and says she needs a permission slip signed for a school trip the next week (which she has right in her hand, and I see she’s holding a pen as well).

My wife pauses the show we’re watching, gets up off the couch…and without her even saying anything, I know exactly what she’s doing. She’s heading to the kitchen to add “Permission slip for Katie” to one of her lists of tasks. I found this ridiculous, because these permission forms take 30 seconds…

You fill out your kid’s name in the “I give permission for _____ to go to the museum,” you sign it, and you’re done. Sometimes there is an extra question — such as a check-box for “Do you want to pay $5 for your kid to have a school-provided lunch” or you can decline if you are packing a lunch for your kid.

So since Katie was sitting right there with a pen, I filled out the form, handed it back to her, she put it in her backpack, and my wife gets back and plops on the couch and says to Katie, “Did you need anything else?” Katie says no and starts to walk away. I say to my wife, “Where did you go just now?” and my wife says, “To add Katie’s permission form to my to-do list.”

I say, “Well, you can cross it off because I did it while you were gone.” And she looks at me dumbfounded, and Katie starts laughing hysterically. I told my wife that I appreciated her organizational skills, but sometimes it’s just easier to take care of things in the moment…and this was one of those times.

Katie had the form ready. She had a pen. In the time it took my wife to add this task to her list, it was already done. I said that the alternative was, at some point in the future my wife was going to see this task on her list, yell for Katie, Katie would come running, my wife would tell her to go get the form, Katie would run back to her room to get the form out of her backpack, etc.

Why bother with all of that when we can just take care of it right there? My wife agreed with my logic but was pissed because she said I embarrassed her in front of Katie. I wasn’t trying to embarrass her. If anything, she embarrassed herself by trotting off to another room to add an item to her to-do list that she could have completed in less time by just staying where she was.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

TheFlashestAsh said:

Sounds like she’s just caught in her routine. I don’t think you were trying to embarrass her. Maybe she felt embarrassed as she didn’t see the easy solution right in front of her. It’s really not a big deal and shouldn’t be cause for upset. NTA.

TerriDiA said:

NTA – Never add to a to do list what you can do in the moment. I don’t understand the embarrassed part. I would have just laughed it off as well.

Equivalent_Lemon_319 said:

“Oh don’t worry wife I got this.” Probably would have spared an argument.

Anxious_Monitor1671 said:

NTA but your wife seems a tad neurotic. That is bananas to me to add it to the to do list instead of just signing it right then and there. That’s what she was asking for. If she feels embarrassed she did it herself IMO.

AngelaRocks78 said:

So I LOVE making lists and crossing off tasks when they are done. But I’m also lazy. So I would have done the thing in the moment but next time I got up I would have written it down and crossed it off. Lol. NTA Seems like a hilarious family mishap.

NicolinaN said:

She’s struggling to manage your household and you are condescending. In this exact situation, your action was reasonable, but your whole tone in this post reeks. Your wife sounds overwhelmed. What are YOU doing at home?

Evilsquirre1 said:

YTA not for signing the permission slip but for asking your wife where she went when you already knew. The purpose was to call her out in front of your daughter. You could have told her you signed the form after your daughter left.

Or simply checked it off the to do list. But you chose to make her feel foolish and humiliated in front of your daughter. If you aren’t respecting your wife either will your daughter.