AITA for asking my friend to not bring her dogs to friendsgiving?
I’m 26f if it matters. So my friends and I do a Friendsgiving every year. I hosted this year for the first time, and I planned everything from decorations, to food, seating, etc. One of my friends, “Kara,” (24f) has two dogs that she basically takes everywhere. They’re not emotional support animals or anything, she just likes having them around. Normally I’m okay with her bringing them here for a visit or two, but last year at our other friends house, one of her dogs snatched the dressing off the table and gobbled all of it while everyone was watching the game in the living room. I didn’t think this was very funny at the time and decided this year to make sure she can’t bring her animals to my house.
Yesterday in the group chat, I reminded everyone of the start time and I added, “Also, just a heads up, no pets this time, please.” I didn’t single her out specifically; I just made it a general statement.
Immediately, Kara messaged me and asked if that meant her dogs. I said yes, that I really preferred she not bring them because I don’t want dog hair in the food, I don’t want to be managing animals in addition to hosting, and I don’t want a repeat of last year. There was also going to be several small kids attending, so I wanted to be extra careful.
Well. She didn’t like that and immediately got super snarky and upset. She mentioned she had no one to watch her dogs, and I said they should be fine at home by themselves for a few hours yeah? She said no, because they had anxiety issues and need to be with her at all times. I said that’s unfortunate but I won’t be changing the rule I set.
She told me her dogs are “her family,” that they’re “better behaved than most adults and especially better behaved than kids,” and that I was being “controlling and purposely excluding her.” She said that if her dogs aren’t allowed, then she’s not coming. I told her I’d be sad if she didn’t come, but the rule stands because i’m hosting this year. She’s bringing the cake and the potato salad and I asked what her plans were for getting the food here.
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I even offered to pick it up. She then said she has zero intention of giving any food if her “family” isn’t welcome. While frustrating, I just told her that’s unfortunate and that I wish she’d just be a little more understanding, and then had to scramble to find dessert and potato salad at a grocery store halfway across town to fill in.
Now a different friend said I could’ve “handled it more sensitively,” and that maybe I should’ve just let her bring them because “it’s the holidays and it’s not a big deal.” But honestly…it feels like a big deal to ME, because it’s my house and I’m the host.
Edit: I think people are misunderstanding that I had zero idea that she brings her dogs everywhere and can’t leave them at home before this happened. The few visits to my house were only for brief visits where she came with other friends. I only included that info at the top of the post because I know now but at the time I did not. Most people I know are able to leave their pets at home and do not bring them places. So that was my initial assumption. I was shocked when she told me she brings them everywhere.
About the emotional support animal bit, how do I know? Because another friend told me after this all went down, because I did initially feel bad and thought maybe she needed them around. But was informed that this wasn’t the case, and felt it was important info to add.
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