I just had surgery last Wednesday. The night before, my on-again, off-again, sorta boyfriend took me to dinner, told me I’d be ok, said he’d be here if I needed him, and not to worry (I have bad anxiety).
The day of my surgery, he was very sweet, checked in on text and Snapchat both multiple times, and offered to bring Tylenol when I said I needed it, but I told him my dad was already on his way with some. The next day was Thanksgiving, he was busy with family. I asked him to come over that night around 8 and he said he would if he didn’t have to be up at 6 the next day for work. I understood. Friday, he was sick. He left work early and slept most of the day. Saturday morning he was still sick. I asked him to come over and he said he didn’t want to get me sick after surgery. I said I understood, but still really wanted to see him. I was lonely and feeling anxious and sad.
He said maybe if he felt better. That evening we were talking about him maybe coming when he said his brother invited him to a movie. He went to the movie. I tried to be a good sport about it. Spending time with family is important, and I know he wanted to see that movie. The next day, Sunday, I asked to see him again. Asked if he was busy. He kept saying maybe. Around 2 he said there was a Steelers game later. I said what about before or after? I got another maybe. He never came. Around 8 pm I became really upset. Texting him and getting into an argument about how he hadn’t come to see me. He argued that he was sick and busy, he had planned to, but he hadn’t had time. We didn’t talk the rest of Sunday and most of Monday (his day off). We finally started talking agin Monday night. Tuesday seemed almost normal but I could tell he was still upset. I asked if he was busy after work. He said yes. I asked about Wednesday after work, he said he didn’t know, probably. I asked what he was doing and he said going to the gym. I asked what the probably was for Wednesday and he said most likely the gym. I got angry all over again and went off on him choosing the gym over me. He says he needs to stick to his goals and missing a day leads to missing a week.
He hadn’t been since last Monday. I said he can miss the gym to go to a movie with his brother, who he sees all the time, and he can miss the gym to watch the Steelers, but he cant miss it for me. He pointed out he skipped the gym last Tuesday to take me to dinner. I said I appreciated that, but I really thought he’d come see me after surgery. He has had a week to find time. And he has chosen everything else to do in his spare time except see me. We are still not talking. Am I overreacting? I am on pain pills and off of my anxiety and depression meds because of their possible interactions with the pain pills.
I worry I got upset when I shouldn’t have, maybe he has been busy and sick, but I feel hurt it’s been a week now and he hasn’t come over once when he said he’d be here for me after the surgery and he’s gone to do other things. Am I overreacting and being selfish?
