There is honesty, there is brutal honesty, and then there is whatever nuclear explosion just occurred in this Reddit user’s household. Imagine being married for eight years, raising two children together, and navigating the natural changes that come with age and pregnancy, only to have your husband look you in the eye during an argument and tell you that you’re “basically a plank.” If you have ever wondered what it looks like when a man completely loses his filter and his common sense in one go, this story is a heartbreaking masterclass in how to k!ll a marriage in ten seconds flat.

The OP and his wife, Sarah, have been together for over a decade. He admits that after their second child, Sarah’s body changed, which is a story every mother on the planet can relate to. But while Sarah was busy being a “great mother,” her husband was busy faking it in the bedroom. He claims he hasn’t been genuinely attracted to her in years and has spent his life exhausted by the effort of pretending to desire her. Instead of seeking therapy or finding a constructive way to talk about their dwindling intimacy, he decided to let his resentment simmer until it reached a boiling point.

The tension finally snapped over something as small as a forgotten chore. When the argument pivoted to their lack of intimacy, Sarah did what most vulnerable partners do: she voiced her fear that he didn’t find her attractive anymore. Instead of being the partner she needed, the OP felt “cornered” and decided to launch a verbal grenade. He didn’t just tell her he was struggling; he went for the jugular, attacking her physique with a level of cruelty that is honestly hard to fathom.

The fallout was immediate and devastating. Sarah didn’t scream or throw things; she simply froze before walking away to sleep on the couch. The OP claims he felt like an “absolute monster” the second the words left his mouth, but the damage was already done. You can’t un-ring a bell that loud. He says he wanted to be “honest,” but there is a massive difference between communicating a lack of spark and tellling the mother of your children that her “flat a**” doesn’t turn you on.

The emotional commentary here is a sh!t-show of epic proportions. To use someone’s biggest insecurity—an insecurity rooted in the fact that they literally grew humans inside their body—as a weapon during a fight is a k!ller blow to any sense of safety in a relationship. Sarah was asking for reassurance, and he responded by confirming her worst nightmare in the most derogatory way possible. It is a haughty move to act like his “exhaustion” from lying justifies this kind of verbal abuse.

What makes this even worse is the “walking on eggshells” defense. The OP acts like he’s been a martyr for faking his attraction, but the reality is that he has been building a wall of resentment that he finally threw at her. Honesty without kindness is just cruelty, and the OP didn’t provide honesty; he provided a body-shaming insult. No amount of “feeling sick to his stomach” this morning is going to erase the image Sarah now has of herself through his eyes.

It is a total bullsh!t excuse to blame “anger and a lack of self-control.” Most people, even when they are fuming, don’t resort to dehumanizing their spouse’s body. By calling her a “plank,” he reduced the woman he supposedly loves to a piece of wood. It is the kind of comment that sticks in a woman’s head every time she looks in the mirror or tries to get dressed for the rest of her life. He didn’t just hurt her feelings; he attacked her identity.

The OP is now wondering if he’s the ahole for “telling the truth.” Here’s the thing: your subjective preference for a certain body type isn’t a “universal truth” that needs to be shared at the expense of your wife’s soul. If he wasn’t attracted to her, that was a conversation for a therapist’s office years ago, not a weapon to be used when he was annoyed about chores. He prioritized his need to “vent” over her basic dignity.

The atmosphere in the house is now poisoned, and even the kids can sense it. Sarah won’t look at him, and honestly, why would she? How do you ever feel comfortable being vulnerable or naked around a man who has compared you to a construction material? He crossed a line that most marriages don’t survive, because he proved that his love is conditional on her maintaining a specific physique that her body has moved past.

This story is a vital reminder that words have weight. You can apologize a thousand times, but you can’t take back the fact that you let your wife know you’ve been “pretending” to love her body for years. The OP wanted to be “honest,” but all he did was prove that he’s been a dishonest partner for nearly a decade, culminating in a moment of pure sh!t behavior.

So, is he the ahole? Yes. A resounding, body-shaming, marriage-destroying yes. He didn’t just screw up; he intentionally hurt the person he was supposed to protect. We hope Sarah finds a way to see her own beauty again, because her husband clearly doesn’t deserve the view.

What would you do if your partner said something this cruel about your body? Is there any coming back from a “truth” that is this ugly? Let us know in the comments if you think he can ever fix this or if the couch should be his permanent new home!