My wife and I own a catering company. Our oldest son is fifteen and helps a lot with events. He’s autistic, but he’s very capable when he’s accommodated. We were contracted to cater a rehearsal dinner and a wedding. The rehearsal dinner was obviously much smaller than the wedding.
With me, my wife and our oldest, we could pull the whole thing off without using any employees and save a chunk of change. The wedding planner also hired a bartender to make drinks, as we don’t offer that service.
Our son was setting up the tables and chairs while my wife and I were unloading the food. The bartender asked my son to help him unload some boxes of wine, and my son said no. The bartender offered to tip him, and my son said that he can’t touch alcohol.
The bartender told him he was being difficult, and my son started ignoring him, because that’s how he responds to stress. The bartender tried to talk to him, and when my son continued to ignore him, he grabbed my son by the shoulder and shook him.
My son ran to me and told me what happened. I called the police. The bartender started arguing with me. I kept telling him to wait for the police to arrive. My son went to my wife. When the bartender found out my son was fifteen he got nervous and left before the police arrived.
After the deputy showed up and while I was talking to him the wedding planner showed up to ask what was going on. I asked her to wait while I finished talking to the deputy. My wife and son had gone back to setting up after the bartender left. The wedding planner demanded I talk to her and tell her why the police were present. The deputy told her she had to wait. She stood by and listened to our conversation.
I told the deputy what happened. He said since he didn’t witness anything he couldn’t do anything, but to call him if the bartender returned. When the deputy left the wedding planner called the bartender to ask him to come back. He said he wouldn’t come back because he was worried I’d call the cops again.
Ultimately the rehearsal dinner had great food, but no alcohol. The wedding planner asked us to serve at least the wine and beer the bartender had brought but we refused because A) we don’t offer that service B) we aren’t licensed to do that and C) that stuff didn’t belong to us.
After the dinner, the wedding planner went off on us. She said we ruined the event and that we were fired. I clarified with her that she didn’t want us to show up to the wedding venue and cater the wedding (which was the next day). She said she didn’t. I said okay. We left.
My son actually filmed our conversation, and I watched it when we got home, and she was very clear. At four AM she called us to talk about the wedding. I reminded her she fired us. She said we were already paid, so we had to show up anyway. I said she fired us. She said if we didn’t show up she would sue. I told her to sue. I also told her I had her on video firing us.
We did not cater the wedding. I heard from the DJ that they ended up ordering pizza. The bride was apparently screamed at the wedding planner for half an hour about it. I actually feel a little bad, because the bride didn’t do anything. Maybe I was being petty and should have showed up anyway.
We did not return any money (as per our contract) and we ate or donated the food that had already been prepared. I know legally I did nothing wrong, but I feel like a bit of a d.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
crazysoxxx said:
Sounds like the wedding planner ruined the wedding, not you. NTA. Hope your son is doing okay. I’d be so livid.
ExcellentCold7354 said:
ESH. Your son was right not to touch the alcohol, but you are absolutely the AH for going straight to the police. You should have gone to the wedding planner first, and demanded that the dude be replaced ASAP or you’d call the police for assault.
You knew damn well the police would do jack and you escalated anyway without going to the logical person who was coordinating everything, and you screwed the wedding planner AND THE COUPLE over. It’s on the wedding planner too for her poor management of this conflict. It was really dumb and unprofessional of her to basically fire you without the intention of following thorough.
You are also petty AF for bailing on the wedding day. You screwed over the couple because of your beef with the planner, and if your contract was with them you might even be liable for it. All of you, caterers, bartender, and wedding planner, are extremely unprofessional and you ruined a couple’s wedding because of it.
That day is not something they can replicate, and it probably cost them thousands. Shame on you, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of you either got sued or at least got your collective butts dragged all over the internet.
cutiebird31 said:
Totally the AH. You could and should have deescalated the situation. While the bartender was a jerk, you are a professional running a business. Calling the police was overkill. You were not in danger and they did nothing (because you were not in danger.)
A little flexibility on your end would have gone a long way. The only people who got “punished” in this situation is the bride and groom. Sure you couldn’t control the bartenders behavior or the wedding planner, but you could have helped with damage control. Instead you went scorched earth.
If I was that couple, I would review you on every platform in the world. Trust me, any couples seeing reviews that the cater didn’t show up to wedding and got into it with the bartender at the rehearsal dinner will be passing on your services in future. I would also expect to see a small claims summons in your near future. Do better. Be a better person. Its, after all, your reputation on the line.
neverthelessidissent said:
YTA. You did ruin this wedding. First, by cheaping out on an actual experienced professional and instead bringing an autistic child. Second, by not informing the bartender and wedding planner that your only employee that day was an autistic child, so everyone needed to come directly to you for anything.
Third, by expecting accommodations and not setting them up ahead of time. Fourth, by not training your autistic child to come back to you with any requests like this. Skipping the wedding was a dick move. Calling the cops was insane. You know what you did was f’d up, and your business will suffer. And should.
RonaldMcFirbank said:
Not your fault, but boy, you sure didn’t do anything to make it work for your customers.
julianAppleby5997 said:
YTA entirely on your desire to save money you put your underage vulnerable son in a stressful situation and then escalate until things go sideways. And leave a wedding high and dry. Charming.
BoysenberryJellyfish said:
NTA. One of the other people this couple’s agent hired assaulted your minor autistic son and then this agent fired you for reporting the crime to the police. If anything, everyone should be suing the planner.
