“My husband stayed out all night, didn’t tell me and I called it quits.”
My husband told me. He had work this weekend, and he would go eat dinner with his coworkers after the convention center. The weekend comes and he went to the convention center for work, and I did what I normally do every weekend: spent time with his dad, along with our two kids (ages 2 and 1). I’m also pregnant with our third (5 months pregnant).
Around 7:00 PM, I noticed my husband’s car was parked at our apartment. I got excited because I was exhausted and didn’t want to carry two babies up the stairs by myself. I called him and asked what he was doing. He said, “I’m out for dinner.”
I paused, realizing he had told me earlier in the week that he would be out for dinner. I responded, “Oh, right… Well, it would’ve been nice to know you were stopping by to drop off the car.” I said as I laughed a little.
He replied. “Oh… uh, sorry.” I got irritated because I could tell he was already drinking, and he was planning to drink more. (Just want to say. His coworkers are nice. I’ve got nothing against, and they are all male.)
My father-in-law helped me get the kids upstairs. I put them to bed and tried to distract myself. Around 10:00 PM, I checked the time and immediately felt it in my gut—he wasn’t coming home. I didn’t text him because I had this overwhelming feeling that I already knew how the night would end. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
When he’s doing something he shouldn’t be, he goes completely silent. No texts. No updates. He avoids me. My mind started spiraling at this point. Because we had some problems in our relationship from both ends in the past. What made it worse was that we had a long conversation the weekend before.
I had told him I was deeply hurt, emotionally disconnected, and scared of losing our relationship. I told him I don’t feel chosen, safe, or emotionally supported right now. He apologized, said he loved me, and told me all he wanted was for us to work out.
Around midnight, I received a text—not from my husband—but from one of his coworkers, using my husband’s phone. He told me my husband was safe, apologized for the trouble, offered to buy us dinner, and said my husband would be staying the night at another coworker’s house, and that my husband wanted me to know. (These two coworkers are both male. Just to remind you guys.)
I broke down. I was crying, angry, and completely exhausted. I felt our conversation last week went unheard. I’m not surprised. Goes in one ear and out the other. The next morning, I woke up at 7:00 AM like usual. I assumed he’d still be asleep since he drank. Around 8:00 AM, I checked his location and saw he was already heading to the convention center.
Still no text from him. I emotionally checked out. I had sat in my car, thinking to myself. “Man…if I didn’t text my spouse all day yesterday and had my friend/coworker do it for me. I’m pretty sure right now. They would like to hear from me. But maybe that’s just me. I wouldve been upset if he just texted me. But at least HE texted me. I would’ve settled down if he called me.
I don’t care how tired he was…he could’ve said. “Hey, I’m heading to the convention center. I know. I’m sorry, and I love you. We can talk about it later tonight, and I’ll see you at 4.” Because we were meeting up with family at that time.
We got home around 6:00 PM, and he immediately started cleaning the apartment. From my perspective, it felt like guilt disguised as productivity while I handled bedtime with the kids. After I put the kids to bed, he followed me into the bathroom while I was cleaning. I didn’t want to bring it up first—because I always do. We exchanged a few words, and then he said he was going to sit on the couch.
At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. He hasn’t spoken to me since Saturday morning. He didn’t even bring it up while we were in the bathroom. I walked into the living room and told him the bathroom was his now. He asked what I meant. I told him I moved my things out. He asked, “Are we going to talk about it?” I said, “Talk about what?” He replied, “I’ve been sitting here waiting because you said we’d talk later.”
I told him, “I’ve explained this to you multiple times. What more do you want me to say? I’ve told you how I feel, and you keep doing the same things anyway. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.” He followed me to the closet and said, “Because I got drunk?” I rolled my eyes and muttered, “It’s so much more than that—and you’re not even listening.”
He said he didn’t know he was going to stay over. I told him, “You already planned to stay over when you dropped the car off. You could’ve texted me at 10:00 PM and told me you were getting drunk and sleeping over. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would’ve understood. You didn’t text me at all.” He hesitated, then asked, “What can I do to fix it?”
I looked at him and said, “I want out. I’m done explaining myself to you.” We heard our daughter wake up, and we both wanted to attend to her. He paused before looking down and saying. “Okay.” He walked away from me and attended to our daughter.
I moved all my belongings to the otherside of the apartment. Because we’re gonna have to be roommates until I can get on my feet. I won’t go to my family because they’ve never supported this relationship and would likely celebrate its downfall. Listen…He’s a good provider. He supports me financially, doesn’t raise his voice, tells me he loves me, and will admit when he’s wrong.
But emotional growth comes slowly—sometimes so slowly it feels like I’m standing still. I guess it’s the laziness…that is killing this relationship. Not wanting to surprise me with anything, even when I voice it out and make it noticeable when I want him to do it, or I want him to try to do it. I guess it’s dry… (incongruent behavior) So did I overreact?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Plane_Practice8184 said:
NOR. It’s about the disrespect. He didn’t think it was important to check in with you. My ex used to meet his childhood friends for drinks every weekend. Anything else fell to the wayside. I realised his friends and drinks would come first
blonde1psp said:
I’m sorry but he LIED to you about his whereabouts, My first thought when you called him on being at your apartment and he said He “Oh… uh, sorry.” was that he was cheating on you with someone.
My husband always checked in with me when he went out with friends, and most certainly never got his friend to text me via his phone (that seems sketchy to me). We were married 38 years until he passed recently. You do need to take care of yourself and kids first and he doesn’t respect you.
Abject_Incident_4007 said:
Wait sorry.. Did I read correctly that his 1st coworker texted you to tell you he was at his other coworkers house? Babe, this is such a cover up. Your husband was nowhere near either of those guys. They’re helping him cheat big time. Get that lawyer and protect yourself ASAP.
Evil-lyns-brain said:
He already sees you as a roommate with benefits and nothing more. He will never see you because they alcohol won’t let him. He is an alcoholic and loves alcohol more then anything or anyone. Until he acknowledges that he has a problem (honestly) with the booze, the only thing you can do is watch his downfall.
Protect you and your babies. As soon as you move out, slap child support on him. And ask for supervised visitations due to being an alcoholic. Once he sober up for real, then you can revisit. Good luck.
And biteme717 said:
NOR, and I bet that he’s cheating. If he’s not, then he doesn’t want to be home. Get advice from an attorney and make him get an STD test. Make sure that he knows that you’ve contacted an attorney and use the Grey Rock method when you have to talk to him. He doesn’t care about or love you enough, and he doesn’t have any respect for you.
Stand your ground and tell him to get used to being a less than part-time dad. What would he have done if you had an emergency? Nothing because he wouldn’t have answered his phone. He’s untrustworthy and undependable and IMO, deceitful. I personally don’t think that he was just drunk either, but that’s my opinion.
