“AITA for telling my boyfriend I’m thinking about leaving him after how he handled me breaking my ankle?”
My boyfriend (34M), who we will call Tre, and I (27F) have been together for not even a full year yet. I love him and he is a great guy, but I am starting to notice that we have very different outlooks and views on how relationships should work, such as how men should treat women and vice versa.
For context, he believes women should be independent with or without a partner. I agree, but I also feel that a partner should help take some of the load off, which is my idea of a partnership. He also wants me to figure things out before I call him, which feels strange to me.
Now to the story. I bought him some chips a couple of days ago but kept forgetting them in my car. At 5 a.m., he got off work after a 10-hour shift and called me to ask if I could grab the chips from my car. No big deal.
We had a normal conversation about how work was, and I planned to see him when he got home. After we hung up, I got up and went outside to get the chips. I forgot to turn on the porch light, missed a step, and fell. I heard a crack in my left foot as I went down and immediately knew something was wrong.
I picked myself up, screaming in pain in the yard, then went back into the house and sat at the kitchen table having a panic attack until he got home. In the meantime, I took off my socks and saw my left ankle was swollen to the size of a golf ball. My right leg hurt even more.
When Tre got home, he heard me hyperventilating, walked into the kitchen, and asked what was wrong. I could not speak at first, so I pointed to my ankles and finally managed to tell him, “I fell going out to my car.” He panicked at how swollen my ankle was and said he did not know what to do. He picked me up, took me to the couch, and then walked off. I was crying in pain. He told me he was going out to smoke.
When he came back inside, I insisted that I needed to go to the hospital. He said, “Okay, but right now? I just worked, I need to shower.” I was irritated and yelled, “Go ahead,” because I was in unbearable pain. He said, “Okay, I will take a quick shower,” which ended up taking 30 minutes. I was still crying and thinking about calling an ambulance.
When he finally got out of the shower, he double-checked and asked, “Are you sure you want to go?” I screamed, “Yes!” He started putting on clothes and asked me what I needed. I was wearing a muumuu, so I told him to grab me some underwear and shorts. It took him a few minutes, but he did help me get dressed.
Then he walked off again, and it felt like he was stalling. I said, “You know what, it’s fine, I’ll call for an ambulance.” He called me “crazy” for mentioning an ambulance and said, “I wouldn’t put this on you if it were the other way around.” That upset me even more. I shouted, “Are you going to take me or not?” and he asked, “Does your ankle hurt or not?”
Fast forward to being in the car on the way to the ER. I told him once I was settled, he could go home since I understood he was tired and hungry. He said I was “crazy” and insisted on staying. I let it go. Once I got into a room, the doctors asked him to step out for X-rays. It took five minutes.
I thought he was in the hallway, but an hour passed before he called me asking, “What are they saying?” I told him we were waiting for the results and asked where he was. He said he was in the lobby, had fallen asleep, and was coming back to the room.
He returned with food and got me a sandwich. He ate, then fell asleep again, but complained about how long everything was taking, how tired he was, and how long he had worked. It became annoying very quickly.
By 1 p.m. we still had no update from the doctors. Tre was sighing and huffing, so I told him to go home since he was not helping and I could not do anything. He left. About 45 minutes later, the doctor came back and said I had sprained my left ankle and broken the right one. No surgery was needed. They gave me two boots, crutches, and released me. I tried calling Tre but got no answer, so I took an Uber home.
Ten minutes before I got home, I called him again. He picked up and said he had unlocked the door for me. The Uber driver helped me get to the door as best he could. I went inside and lay down on the couch.
The next day, Tre had a haircut appointment. I asked him if he could pick up my pain medication while he was out, and he said yes. He left, and I took a nap. When he got back, I asked about the medication and he said, “I haven’t gotten them yet.”
I was annoyed but stayed quiet. He started making food and said he was about to lie down. I was frustrated. I needed to wash up and use the bathroom, so I got up as best I could. To get to the bathroom, you have to pass the bedroom. He was sitting there eating chips and laughing at videos.
I used the restroom, washed up the best I could, and made it back to the couch. The pharmacy closed at 5 p.m., and it was 2 p.m. at that point, but I did not say anything. I dozed off until about 4 p.m. I called his name, and when he came in, I asked again about the medication.
He said he would go get it. I told him that I had gotten up, used the bathroom, and washed up. He said, “I’m proud of you. You don’t need me. I want everyone around me to be independent. Besides, what are you going to do when I’m at work?”
I told him, “I would obviously figure it out, but while you’re here it would be nice to have some help.” I immediately felt upset because this is my boyfriend. We talk about marriage and kids. I could not help but think to myself, “I can’t marry someone like that.”
A few hours went by. Around 8 p.m. I told him, “I can’t change you, but all I can do is change if I want to deal with it or not,” in the most polite voice I could manage. He flipped out, saying I was threatening him and that I would regret anything that happened and he would be fine. Then he stormed out of the living room and has not spoken to me since. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
annang says:
Never, ever, ever have kids with this man. Not only will he treat you just as badly as he’s treating you now, but he’ll treat the kids this badly too.
frozenbyfear says:
NTA. He’s not upset that you’re ‘threatening’ him. He’s upset that you’re calling him out on being a completely unsupportive partner. His whole ‘I want you to be independent’ thing is just a cover for being selfish.
shellbritt says:
Did he ever get your pain meds? Cause I just want to s&^% him. This is NO way to act when someone is in TWO BOOTS and needs help! Jeez.
Ill_Abroad_72 OP:
yes he did! after his nap 😂
centopar
I find myself hoping that after you leave this jerk, he breaks one ankle and sprains the other, and has to deal with the situation on his own.
Flowerofiron says:
He’s using this ‘independence’ as a facade for him to be lazy and not care. He doesn’t want to help you. Imagine when you have kids, or you have a serious illness? This is not the person to be with at all.
