I (28F) made my daughter (11F) leave her first sleepover and I feel terrible. AITAH?
For context, I was/am a teen mom. My daughter is eleven and I am sixteen years older than her. My dad was VERY strict when I was growing up (which is probably why I snuck around and got pregnant so young). I can count on one hand how many out-of-home sleepovers I had, so I try to not be too strict on my kids because I know the trouble I got into behind my dad’s back and it made it worse that I couldn’t be honest with him, however I do EVERYTHING in my power to keep my children safe.
My eleven year old has a friend, let’s call her Amanda. I’ve met Amanda and her grandmother several times before and she seemed sweet enough, so after both of the girls begging and my contacting Amanda’s mom I agreed to let my daughter stay the night at her house.
When I arrived, the first red flag was that Amanda was home alone. It also REEKED of cigarette smoke to the point that my head started to hurt. I smoke sometimes myself, so when I tell you the smell was strong, it was STRONG. I stayed and hung out with the girls and Amanda’s dog for a little bit and when the mom finally arrived, she was noticeably intoxicated and drinking beers.
She was also with another woman, who was her sister? Who was also drinking, and her son. I’m not one to accuse people of the unthinkable right off the bat but it just made me uncomfortable that an older boy was going to be at the home (he was about 17/18), since I’d never met him before. The mom was also smoking cigarettes in the living room.
I didn’t want my daughter’s first sleepover to be ruined, especially after the grandmother spent money getting the girls what they wanted to eat, dinner, dessert, breakfast, snacks, etc. but I just had the worst feeling in my gut that I couldn’t shake so I had my husband make up an excuse to go and pick her up at about 9 PM. I explained the situation to my daughter, honestly, when she got back home (reeking of cigarette) and she says she’s not mad at me but I can’t seem to help feeling horrible over the whole thing. The grandmother is so sweet and the girls seemed to really be having fun but it just wasn’t the best first impression and I couldn’t shake it. I’ve been in bed sobbing for the last hour feeling like I stole the experience from my daughter. To make matters worse, the mom called me and said that if I wanted to just stick to Amanda coming to my house, she was okay with it so now I genuinely don’t know if I made the right decision or not. I was just trying to follow my instincts but it feels like I screwed everything up. Please help.
