AITA for refusing to go have a “cordial” dinner with my in-laws?
My in-laws and I have a terrible relationship. My husband has 2 teenagers from a previous relationship and we have 2 together (5,2). My in-laws have always shown favoritism to the eldest (only boy) to the point where 1 of the teenagers used to ask me why they do that when she was a toddler. I refused to allow that to affect my own children (I didn’t like it when it happened to my stepdaughter but I didn’t have any say so). Told my husband before we ever had kids that would be an issue for me. His grandma would literally brag about it at the same table my stepdaughter was eating at.
My relationship with my in-laws was great before the eldest put my eldest into physical danger and they got mad when the eldest got in trouble for it. I went in loud and hot that their favorite does not have immunity for his actions. My husband backed me but wasn’t as loud about it. Ultimately, it spiraled into a relationship where I avoid them because they bait me with stupid comments about my kids and then my husbands grandma ends up crying and playing victim.
They moved states away because she ‘couldn’t take the stress of having grandkids she couldn’t see.’ (It’s actually because she too old to live on her own and her daughter that lived here with her moved back up north to be near her kids.) Before they left they wanted to have dinner with us. I told my husband if he could tell me he genuinely believes they want to see my kids and not just his eldest, we’d go. He couldn’t so we didn’t. Now they’re visiting and he’s mad at me because I don’t wanna go to dinner with them.
His dad has told him that he needs to put his foot down with me and tell me this is HIS HOUSE (we bought together, but didn’t put my name on the deed). He also threatened him with grandparents rights recently and I’ve already told him when I see his dad it’s gonna be an issue because we’re addressing that.
My husband feels the same way I do, but fears the issues they may cause when they get angry with him. (Like something happening with our house and having no help from them or them trying to sue us for grandparents rights, etc). I think they are dangerous to my kids mental health and my freedom (cause I’m ready to put hands on his dad for his big @ss mouth).
So there’s a lot missing from this post that might be important, but it’s long so I’ll go ahead and ask: AITA for refusing dinner tonight?
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