“AITA for sleeping through most of a long luxury bus ride while my girlfriend was upset?”
I’ve been traveling in Chile and had been sick for a couple of days before this. Vomiting, GI issues, and generally feeling awful. Because of that, I barely slept for two nights beforehand. I kept waking up in our hotel bed to run to the bathroom, and my girlfriend knew this since she saw it happen.
We had a long travel day planned and ended up taking a 20-hour overnight bus instead of flying. The flights available were expensive, poorly timed, and uncomfortable. Many would have had us arriving around 2:30 a.m., and being stuck upright in a plane seat while sick sounded miserable compared to being able to lie flat and shift positions on a bus.
I paid extra for a luxury overnight bus with fully reclining lay-down seats, blankets, and pillows so we could rest. On the day of travel, I was still feeling rough but slightly improved. We spent time going to multiple pharmacies for medication. She wasn’t feeling great either, but her symptoms were much milder than mine.
Once on the bus, I decided the best way for me to recover was to sleep. I took sleeping pills so I could rest and feel functional the next day. I offered her the same pills, knowing they would likely help, but she refused. I then slept for roughly 16 hours.
I did not know she was upset during this time. She never woke me up, and I wasn’t aware there was an issue until I woke up in the early afternoon near the end of the ride, when she was sleeping.
When she later woke up, I tried to hold her hand, but she was clearly upset. When I asked what was wrong, she said I had “abandoned” her by going to sleep and that she had been alone for the entire bus ride.
From my perspective, I was sick, severely sleep-deprived, and trying to recover. I didn’t ignore her intentionally, refuse to help, or know she was upset at the time. So AITA for sleeping through most of the bus ride instead of staying awake with her?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
ImaginationTop5390
NTA. Is your girlfriend an immature 12 year old?? Sorry you should have chosen better.
theeally
She needs to get her codependency in check. If you’d stayed awake it would’ve negatively impacted the trip. She is responding unreasonably.
WhimsicalKoala
That was my first thought on reading this. I would much rather be bored while my partner sleeps off illness and associated problems (and likely would be sleeping myself most of it) so we can have fun later than have him awake and entertaining and making the rest of the trip miserable for both of us.
FinnRistola
NTA. The whole point of a long journey like that is sleeping as much as possible so you don’t have to be awake for it. The goal is for it to feel like teleporting: you fall asleep, you wake up, you’re there.
Momadvice1982
NAH. You needed sleep because you were sick. But your girlfriend had to be (semi)awake and pay attention the entire time, watching over you, herself and the belongings. In a foreign country. She must have been exhausted. And she was also sick!
Due to medical issues I have to take sleeping pills a couple of times a month. On these days my husband doesn’t even drink more than a single beer because he needs to be sober in case something happens. You were out and in no position to help if something happened. Bus travels in foreign countries can be unsafe for women, so she was 100% correct to not take a sleeping pill as well because you both would have been very vulnerable.
You needed the sleep but must have been very uncomfortable for her being the alert person during 16 hours, with restroom stuff, getting herself and you food and water. Whilst also being sick! Maybe you could both agree the situation wasn’t ideal for the both of you. And thank her for keeping you safe.
smolphin
This is the important part. it doesn’t matter who’s the AH. most responses are going to validate that op is nta making the gf the AH. but it’s not going to resolve anything for OP to feel validated while completely missing the point and not understanding why this was upsetting for the gf in the first place.
hacarlos
NTA, and she would be TA. Even if you were well, sleeping during an overnight bus ride is kind of what everyone hopes for… You were sleep deprived and she knew, which makes her disappointment unfounded. She could have handled this better. In her place, I would be happy to see my partner is improving and had a good restful sleep during the journey, which would probably make the days ahead even better.
Mandi171
NTA. I’m a woman myself and I have no patience for women not using logic or expressing themselves. She clearly knew you were sick and needed to rest. The whole point of the luxury seats is to rest. You offered her the same rest (pills) and she refused. She needs to put on her big girl panties and suck it up.
Current_Echo3140
NAH. You’re both in crappy situations feeling really badly and your needs were conflicting with each other. You’re not wrong for needing to sleep and shes not wrong for needing support. This seems like the type of thing that will resolve itself once you both are back on your feet and at home.
Id ask her though if this is something she feels like is a recurring pattern with you or if she has felt this way with other people in the past, so you can rule out there is a reason why the reaction to this one incident seems bigger than it is.
