WIBTA for calling out my brother?
My (41F) younger brother, Harry (37M) moved away several years back. His wife’s family lives on the other side of the country and they moved there before getting married to live at her parents’ house.
They stayed with her parents up until about 6 month ago. Her father passed away last year and this year, her mother decided to sell the big house, move closer to where her friends live, and buy something smaller for just herself. This is in a part of the country that is very high cost of living. My brother and his wife are self employed, and struggling artists and don’t make enough to live independently there.
As a result, my brother and SIL decided to move back to where my family and I live. They asked my mother and I if we could help them with the move by paying for us to fly to them, and carry luggage and their animals in carriers in the cabin of the plane (you can only take 1 pet per person, and they have 3). We agreed, they covered our flights, and a week before Christmas, we travelled several hours to assist them. We did this at that time because my brother said he wanted to be home for Christmas.
It was a lot of travel and time zone changes, there were some delays… all in all, exhausting, but successful. They are here now and settled in an apartment about 20 minutes from where I live.
I host Christmas with my partner in our home. I do a small Christmas dinner with family, and then a huge party for friends and extended family as well the next day. My brother said they would skip Christmas dinner and come for the big party to see everyone. That was fine, I was excited to spend time with them.
The day of the party, 45 minutes after the party started, my brother messaged me and said they were burned out from travel (I did more travel and still managed to cook for 3 days in preparation for the party, and so did my 65 year old mother…), and said he’d rather do something smaller the following week where we can go to his place to exchange gifts instead.
I didn’t answer because I had a house full of people, but I told my mom that he had cancelled, and she was really disappointed. My youngest brother (34M) was there and she was looking forward to seeing all three of her kids at Christmas for the first time in many, many years.
My brother has a habit of bailing on plans. I was never confident he would show up in the first place because unless people are coming to his house, he won’t show up. They cancelled their own wedding reception after my mother and I flew across the country to attend the wedding, claiming they weren’t feeling well. I know I shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but I’m at a breaking point where I’m tired of being disappointed, and I think his behaviour is immature and irresponsible.
I know if I confront him about this, he’ll likely get defensive, and go no contact for the foreseeable future, it’s happened before. He only just arrived home and my mother hasn’t seen us all together yet. Should I bite my tongue to keep the peace? WIBTA to call him out on his selfish behaviour?
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