“AITA for telling my husband I wasn’t mad, just disappointed he didn’t get me a Christmas present?”
Title says it all. We both spent time and money to find gifts for our 6 year old. I also spent $200 on a Christmas/birthday gifts for him. His birthday is right after Christmas. I let him know a couple of weeks ago there was a delay in shipping but it would be here before his birthday. Clearly communicated to him. It’s not a gift he can open in front of family or children and he was excited for what I ordered.
Christmas Eve while we’re wrapping presents from Santa, he informs me that he just got things for our child. I said ok, and took it as a possible surprise to me for my gift.
Christmas morning it became clear that wasn’t the case and he didn’t get anything for me. When driving out to his family’s house for dinner I asked him if he really didn’t get anything for me, and he said no.
Of course my immediate mood shifted, he asked if I was “going to be grumpy”, I told him no, it’s the thought that counts and was just disappointed. I had to hold it together and be present for our child in the back seat.
He knew I was upset, finally came to me during his the festivities and asked what I would want for Christmas in front of our child. I told him he’s known me long enough to know what I like/don’t like.
Today he made a show of going out to get something for me, and it turned out to be $60 worth of bath bomb supplies from the local grocery store. Given to me in a gift bag with crumpled tissue paper thrown on top of it. He didn’t even get the Tylenol sinus medicine I asked for.
My parents didn’t even send me a Christmas present, because they’re visiting my older sister and her family out of state. I’m tired of being an afterthought.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Secret_Sister_Sarah
Ugh, NTA, that sucks. Why do so many men do this to their girlfriends / wives? They fail to get a gift, then get mad when the lack of gift creates valid disappointment. It’s narcissistic and gaslighty. Narcissistic neglect of the partner’s needs. Gaslighty blame shift in the “seriously, you’re upset by my lack of care for you?”
If any males read this, tell me, have you ever done this to a girl? If not and you’re one of the good ones, have your friends or male relatives? And if so, do you set him straight?!
PSBFAN1991
She had his child. Probably figures she won’t leave him so he can do what he wants.
mygrey OP:
We’re married in a no fault divorce state. If I divorced him, I will get 50% of his retirement accounts for the last 15 years. He can’t do what he wants without repercussions, and he knows this as I work in the civil family law arena
PSBFAN1991
Well that’s a good thing. But some men think the sun shines out of their arse and that women will put up with anything because of the child. Trust me he’s not thinking legally.
Smart-Rain-1542
NTA.
Is this the first year he’s done this?
mygrey OP:
Yes it is
ProfessionalYam3119
What does “a Christmas/birthday gifts for him” mean?
mygrey OP:
A large purchase that is considered big enough for both his Christmas and birthday presents. I’m fiscally responsible and anything over $200 is considered a combination gift. He spent $250 for my birthday gift( wasn’t expected, but happily received) this summer
lila_2024
Ok, so he might have considered it a birthday/Christmas present in his head?
Puzzled-Safe4801
I was right there with you until this comment. So if he spent $250 on your birthday gift, and you consider anything over $200 a combo (birthday/Christmas) gift, why isn’t that the case for your $250 gift?
BothTreacle7534
nta
the present is annoying already, but to not bring the medication is IMHO unforgivable, he is not a reliable partner at all. Is he even a good parent (like not only to play a bit, but an actual parent)?
mygrey OP:
He absolutely is. I am a firm enforcer of equal opportunity parenting. It took two of us to make a child, he will do 50% of the work. He agreed to this before he proposed and agreed again when we tried to get pregnant.
This includes alternating taking our child to doctor appointments, I drop off at school, he picks up, I get child ready in the morning, he makes lunch, and preps snow gear. RBG instilled so many life lessons that resonated with me.
So he is only a bad partner who let you down with caring you by not getting the medication. Still a reason to really analyse the relationship
NTA I love how he had the audacity to ask if you were going to be grumpy. He knows how to shop, he did for your kid. He doesn’t like you enough for effort. Find someone who does like you enough.
