AITAH for telling my parents this was the last Christmas we’ll ever spend together while reminding them I’ll be going no contact and won’t take care of my brother when they can’t anymore?

*This is a throwaway account*

I (17m) have a brother (15m) who has this thing. So it was never explained to me in all the details but he was basically born with some kind of growth/tumor thing on his brain. He always had it and my parents knew something was up because he was always crying as a baby and a toddler and things like teething didn’t make him any worse than he already was. Then he started doing things like hitting his head against stuff and slamming his body into stuff as he got older and when he became a toddler he also became violent to others. He was 3.5 when they found the growth/tumor and doctors told my parents this was the cause, but where it was made it impossible for them to surgically remove it.

I know he was given different medications and he went for specific treatments to try and help but nothing did.

My brother gets frustrated easily and he lashes out at himself and others. He’s so quick to anger and his frustration is like nothing you’ll ever see from someone else. But his frustration makes him so volatile. Me and dad are bigger than him and he’s hurt the two of us multiple times and when I have tried to fight back enough to get him off me, it’s like he becomes three times my size because he gets so strong and I get hurt even worse than if I just let him do whatever he wants to me.

My brother can’t be around babies/younger kids or elderly people. My grandparents can’t be around him and neither can any of our cousins. When we were younger he wasn’t allowed to play outside because he was a danger to kids in our neighborhood. He’s a huge risk to me and I’m older and bigger (height and weight). Our parents would never let me live somewhere else though. CPS has been called and because my parents allow me a lock on my door and they don’t try to stop me from using my room as an escape, CPS has decided I’m fine where I am. My grandparents tried to ask for custody from the courts but the CPS reports worked in my parents favor and my parents didn’t ever send me to therapy so I didn’t have a therapist on my side and my parents weren’t forced to send me to a therapist by the judge when my grandparents lawyer asked.

My parents have told me that they will keep me safe and I don’t need to live somewhere else and that we should be together as a family. But they don’t actively protect me. I have needed to help restrain my brother. I have needed to try and restrain him on my own before. He gets meds to make him sleep and he’s been sedated in the past. The cops have been involved as well (and that was used in court but it did nothing) and they take him to the hospital. But nothing ever helps him.

Without meds he wouldn’t sleep. And I refuse to try and get him out of his bedroom, which my parents sometimes ask, because there’s a 50% chance I could find him dead in his room and I don’t want to be the one to find him. I can’t ever have friends over because there’s a 90% likelihood that they would be hurt if they came over. I also don’t want them to see me get hurt either.

There’s no getting through to my parents so I decided when the last attempt to leave failed, that I would focus on moving on when I turn 18 and then I won’t ever talk to them again. If my parents had done better I’d consider it but all they care about is keeping me here because they’d miss me or whatever they say. They don’t care that it makes me miserable or that I’m always so fucking afraid.

This Christmas was my last Christmas with them and topic they’ve brought up for the last couple of years is they want me to take over looking after my brother when they die or can’t take care of him anymore. I always say no and we argued about it. They’re so disappointed in me which is another reason I have no doubt about going NC because it would happen anyway. They would never forgive me for letting him go someplace where he could actually be monitored 24/7. That’s assuming he’s even here long enough. Or that they don’t all go together. But anyway. My parents were talking about it this Christmas and I told them no again and when it started to become more of a fight and I told them they should just enjoy having me for Christmas because it’s our last one together and that I’ll be NC soon and won’t be agreeing to take care of my brother.

They tried to fight me more after I said that and they were mad I brought it up at Christmas and I pointed out they started at Christmas and I was just reminding them so they can’t say I didn’t give them a chance to finally make some happy memories.

AITAH?

*BTW, not sure anyone will read this far but I’m not looking for legal advice or advice on how to leave any sooner. I’ve given up on that but I have a plan for my birthday. I’m just trying to see if I was TAH or not.