“I (26M) think my (24F) girlfriend is cheating on me with my best friend.”
Basically my girlfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year now, and have been seriously considering moving in together. Last night we decided to go out for dinner to discuss it.
We decided that I would move in with her once my lease is up. I texted my best friend, let’s call him Jake, to tell him the good news. He told us he wanted to buy us a few drinks and us all crash at his place to celebrate. He said we could just meet at his house and then Uber to the bar. We figured why not, right?
He’s met her numerous times, and we all get along really well, but always while out somewhere or at my place. Never his house. Well we get to his house, and my girlfriend says she really needs to use the bathroom before we start drinking, so her and I run inside, she sets her phone and purse on his table, and she runs into the bathroom.
My buddy stayed outside in case the Uber showed up. My girlfriend’s phone went off, and she asked me to check it to see if it was her friend finally getting back to her about her coming with us or not (my buddy is single and she told me she would try and hook them up).
Well when I turned on her screen, I noticed that it showed it was connected to a WiFi network. I checked on my own phone and all the WiFi networks there have passcodes. I’m trying to see if maybe there’s any other reasonable explanation before I jump to conclusions.
I was thinking maybe she used to date an ex that lives nearby, but she just replaced her phone about 3 or so months ago because her old one broke. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to risk losing my girlfriend, and possibly my best friend, just because I’m freaking out about something so small. I don’t know if I’m ready to lose both of them at the same time.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
redballgreenball wrote:
It sounds like you’re not sure if it was actually his WiFi. It just connected to some WiFi.
Okay so a few things…
When people replace their phones, their WiFi passwords are often copied over. So the fact that she replaced her phone three months ago is irrelevant.
Xfinity. My phone automatically connects to lots of WiFi networks because of Xfinity. So, we have Xfinity service at our house, and that comes with a log in. Now, when I’m at friends house with Xfinity, my phone will auto-connect to xfinity WiFi connections (this is like a special guest network that is created by default).
If she has xfinity (or a friend does who gave her the log in), her phone might have connected to the xfinity networks nearby (which there often are). There could be similar services like this, too.
It’s possible that she joined the WiFi on your friend’s network after some affair. And obviously people do sometimes cheat with their boyfriend’s friend. But, there are so many other explanations here.
GrannyGrumblez wrote:
It only requires the owner of the spot agrees to have a hot spot (I do this, its separate from your own service and allows people to make and receive calls) and that you own a phone with the service (YOUR log in and YOUR password, no one elses).
That’s it. No mystery. No crazy twisted thinking. Your phone automatically connects or did you think your service provider had that good of a signal to transmit just from YOUR access point? Why is this so hard to understand?
WANTSIAAM wrote:
AT&T, Xfinity, optimum…a lot of carriers have that auto connect stuff. That’s realistically the most likely scenario. Beyond this, you can just ask. I disagree with people telling you to aggressively confront her. You can just ask, “do you know somebody in Jake’s building? how did your phone automatically connect to the wifi?” See her reaction.
bunkbedgirl1989 wrote:
It’s certainly possible but damn bro there a a load of other possibilities too, no need to jump straight to that conclusion! I would ask both of them separately about it and see how they react.but honestly it’s probably some other WiFi network from her old phone
Four days later, OP shared an update.
Since my update post was removed and locked, I figured I’d post it here for those who were curious and didn’t get a chance to read the update. I also want to say thank you to everyone and their advice. It’s better at least knowing the truth though, then trying to ignore that gut feeling and intuition. I’ve taken a few days for myself. I read most of the comments, and I realized something.
Sorry for not updating you guys sooner. I spoke with her two nights ago, and was just straight forward and honest. I told her about how I saw that her phone had connected to WiFi and I wasn’t sure why it did that. She got quiet, and didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity. Then she just said she wasn’t sure what it would have connected to, maybe a local shop or something.
I would have maybe accepted this, but I realized that when we got back that night, she went to get a glass of water. I was sitting in the kitchen and the very first cabinet she opened was the glasses. It could have been a coincidence but at that point I doubt it.
She broke down and confessed that she had spent a couple of nights with him a few weeks ago. That he had hit her up on Facebook and that they only talked on there. She said it was a mistake, and purely physical, for fun. It’s a lot to process right now. I’ve shut them both out, and I’m just trying to get a better hold on my feelings and emotions. I feel betrayed by both of them.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
ebrietas wrote:
Just read your original post & wow. I never would have thought that much about the Wi-Fi thing. 🙁 I’m sorry that this happened to you. Your best friend is an absolute asshole & so is the girl. I certainly hope she’s your ex now. Time to move on & make better friends. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling but know that it will get better. ♡.
OP responded:
You know, it’s hard. But I’m glad I found out before we moved in together. I think it isn’t even her that hits the hardest. Like part of everyone I think expects or at least knows a partner cheating on them is a possibility.
But who ever thinks their best friend would? Especially because she said he initiated the contact. Like that hurts me more then anything. I don’t even know if she’s being honest that he initiated it, but it’s going to make it difficult for me to trust again. Not sure how I can get over this one.
initialsmmm101 wrote:
How did she not need to ask where the bathroom is?
OP responded:
I looked past the whole bathroom thing, but realized after reading your comment that she knew exactly where his glasses were at the end of the night, too.
Night_787 wrote:
I had a similar situation happen to me. They never fessed up, but I knew (and so did everyone around them) I cut them both out of my life. And I’ve never been happier. It’ll hurt, but time will heal that. Stay strong! Good luck!
stockzy wrote:
They’re both c*nts. This has nothing to do with you. Tragedy doesn’t discriminate. Unfortunately it’s just your turn. Block, delete, never even acknowledge them in public. It’s gonna hurt for a while man so don’t expect it not to. Just let it all go and go through it as best you can.
Eventually the river of pain will wash you up on the shore. Then you can get up and move on. Let your success in the future be the thorn in their side. These people will never forget what assholes they were. You however will eventually forget you ever felt this way.
