“AITA for getting my boyfriend a funny shirt related to his ADHD for Christmas?”
I (21F) been dating my boyfriend (23M) for two years now. Everything has been great so far and his family has been welcoming to me, although my family is a little bit more naturally friendly. His parents are the strict conservative type but have kept any comments they may have to themselves (I am not conservative, I have tattoos). But I really haven’t had complaints so far.
We were at an early Christmas party at his uncle’s house last weekend. We had a gift exchange and I had decided to get me and my bf matching shirts that say “I ❤️ My Hot ADHD Boyfriend/Girlfriend.” We obviously both have ADHD and I thought they were pretty funny!
When he opened his gift him and his cousins and some of his nephews/nieces were dying laughing. However, his parents were staring daggers at me. I could feel their animosity towards me the rest of the evening and it made me a little uncomfortable. But my boyfriend loved his shirt and changed into it right away.
I was talking to my BF’s sister yesterday and she told me her parents made a comment yesterday about the shirts, basically saying they’re inappropriate and “why would she get him something like that?” I really don’t think it would be a big thing but maybe I’m being a little insensitive? So I guess I’m asking, AITA here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
keesouth wrote:
Do you think it’s the ADHD or the “hot boyfriend/ girlfriend” part? I could see if they’re truly conservative they wouldn’t really want to see shirts that allude to the fact that you all are s**ually active or find each other hot.
OP responded:
I actually didn’t even think about it, I am meaning to talk to them about it but I wonder if that’s actually the reason they didn’t think it was appropriate.
movielazy6576 wrote:
That was a gift to give away from the family. He is not preparing you for them very well. As someone who grew up in a conservative family (and is liberal now) he should know those type of gifts are going to get judged. It’s not the ADHD it’s the hot reference. He is using you to get a reaction out of them or he would be preparing you more to understand what they find acceptable.
Better_Implement_973 wrote:
NTA. They’re probably still affected by what his ADHD behavior did to them/made them feel. From the reaction my guess was that his ADHD was not a source of pride in the household, and seeing you be so accepting and loving of it either anger or shame them.
born_relief909 wrote:
NTA for the shirt itself. It’s super funny. I made my bf a shirt that says “I don’t struggle with autism, I’m actually very good at it”. Gentle YTA for giving it to him in front of everyone. That’s one you keep between the two of you, parents don’t understand how it’s become a joke and is not an insult.
LotsofCatsfl wrote:
NTA – there are different approaches people take to this topic. Some people think of any medical diagnosis as extremely private. Like one of my daughter’s friends at school is completely deaf in one ear (to the extent that hearing aids won’t help) and her parents are very very private about it. They won’t tell anyone and are worried it would embarrass her kid.
Meanwhile my friend at work is in the same situation and regularly says “can you stand to my left so I can hear you? I can’t hear anything out of my right ear” like literally everyone knows and she doesn’t care
Some people think medical diagnosises are private. I personally think that’s weird too because then other people are unable to make small accomodations to make everything easier (like above example of standing by the hearing ear). I am in your camp, we should normalize being open about medical, emotional etc challenges and differences in our lives.
ladystetson wrote:
It’s more to do with social behavior and less to do with AITA. His parents may harbor guilt (or complicated feelings) around his ADHD. Perhaps they don’t believe he has it, perhaps they feel guilt that they didn’t get it treated, perhaps they do believe he has it but harbor a bit of shame around it – perhaps they just are worrywarts and just harbor genuine concern around it and can’t tolerate any joking.
It’s one thing to joke about your own mental issues – it’s another thing to publicly tease someone else about their mental issues. Even if they receive it well, it can make you seem insensitive or can rub others the wrong way. I don’t think you’re TA – but I think you can learn from this and be a bit more discreet when gifting with larger groups of people that you are unfamiliar with.
fireroseairen wrote:
NTA – if he likes it, that’s what matters.
His parents are ableist who see ADHD as a source of shame.
