AITAH for wanting to tell my boyfriend’s parents to p*ss off?
I (36F) have been with my boyfriend for four years. Before anyone jumps in with “he’s just your boyfriend,” please read carefully. We are in a domestic partnership, own a home together, share bills and a bank account, are raising two children, and own several businesses together. Our lives are fully intertwined, minus the legal paperwork.
Because my boyfriend works extremely hard, we are more financially comfortable than most. My boyfriend was very successful before we got together- while I do work and make a decent salay, most of our/his money was made prior to us dating. This isn’t a flex- it’s relevant.
About a year ago, my boyfriend’s brother moved about an hour away from us, along with the only grandchild. Since then, my in-laws have become fixated on moving closer to the grandchild. They’ve called my boyfriend multiple times crying about how badly they want to move but how they “can’t afford it.” Then they started sending him house listings with comments like, “If I won the lottery, this is the house I’d buy,” which felt manipulative to me.
I recently overheard a conversation and learned that my boyfriend finally told them he would help financially and gave them a budget of $600,000 or less. I offered to help look at homes since they live about 20 hours away. When I asked what they were looking for, I knew immediately this was going to be an issue.
We live in a wealthy area of Florida, but $600K would still get them a very nice 3-bed, 2-bath home in a great neighborhood. Instead, they are demanding a pool, an acre lot, 5–6 bedrooms, at least 4,500 sq ft, an upstairs loft, and everything completely updated. Unsurprisingly, they’re now sending us homes listed at $800K–$900K. They have no money to contribute and are in their mid-70s.
They arrived a few days ago to look at homes, and it has been a nightmare. Constant complaints: “The yard is too small,” “The neighbors are too close,” “It doesn’t have a pool,” “It’s not big enough.” I’m at my wit’s end.
To make matters worse, I just found out my boyfriend is also planning to pay off their existing mortgage, buying them all new furniture, and pay to update their current home so they can sell it. They have no savings, so we would also be responsible for their ongoing property taxes, pool maintenance, and home expenses. Yesterday for Christmas he gave each his mother, father, and aunt $10,000 a piece which we did not discuss beforehand. I asked him if we were sending my parents money for Christmas as well…. which of course wont be the case.
We are comfortable, but we do not have millions sitting around. I understand my boyfriend wants to help his parents- but at what point is enough, enough? It is one thing to help- it is another to be fully taken advantage of.
AITA for being upset and wondering if I should finally say something?
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