“AITA for cutting my mother-in-law out of our lives?”
I lost a baby in the second trimester. It was unbearably heartbreaking. I had to go in and deliver a baby that was gone and on top of the grief I was battling, I had to explain and console my young child who wanted a sister so badly and kept asking why she went away.
My fil and mil were such aholes that weekend acting like the loss and proceedure wasn’t a big deal, harassing my husband to come visit and when he didn’t, they showed up on our doorstep. It was a big fight and both sides are still upset about that weekend.
I have one of those birthflower bouquet prints on my wall, it has the birth flowers of the kids I now have and forget-me-nots for the baby we lost. My in-laws roll eyes, make faces and make comments at it and any time I acknowledge the baby we lost. My mil had made snarky comments to others any time i include the memory of the baby we lost like that.
We’ve fought with her about it. It’s a part of the reason we have been low contact. I just got a wedding invitation from a cousin on her side that we’ve not seen in years. It was for my husband, myself and our 3 kids. I only have 2 living kids…a family member said that was weird bc they know the cousin called mil to ask how many kids we have since they didn’t know and it must have been a mistake…
…but another family member said she just knows she did that to hurt me, mil says she “loves to play the villain especially with her” knowing her and what she has done in the past to be intentionally hurtful and laugh while claiming she thought that’s what we wanted. Hubs and I would bet money that she’s over there smirking and waiting to say she thought we wanted our dead baby acknowledged.
We were waiting to go full NC until after mother’s day bc mil’s mom passed away last month and i thought it would be too hurtful for her to have MD bc without her mom, son and grandkids.. WIBTAH if i just went full on NC now, A week before?
Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:
kmflushing said:
Why in the world would you wait to go NC? Because it would be cruel because she lost someone? You lost someone. Your entire family did. She has been incredibly, purposefully cruel to you and your family. She’s regularly made fun of your loss. It’s time to stop trying to be the better person and protect yourself and your family from harm.
Tannim44 said:
NTA, but don’t make a fuss or say anything to anyone else, just disappear. Your MIL lives for the drama, she wants you to make a big deal of her cruelty, don’t give her the satisfaction. Just ghost her. If anyone asks what’s going on, just say “MIL knows and I’m not going to talk about it.”
boredathome1962 said:
NTA. She is intentionally cruel. You know it, everyone knows it. That means NC in my book, and publicizing exactly why. And get pepper spray in case she shows up at the door. I am so sorry for your loss, my wife and I understand a little of what you are feeling.
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA. Ask the cousin why they would extend an invitation to a child you lost. They will be so embarrassed that the thing will blow up and MIL will be exposed and have an interesting time at the wedding.
Go NC immediately and block everything. If she complains don’t respond or ask “who are you again?” If you were evil tempered which you are not you could say you have 2 living children but your MIL passed away.
BeardManMichael said:
NTA – Go no contact today. Name and shame your mother-in-law to EVERYONE. They deserve to know what a vile witch she is. I am so sorry for your loss.
NovaPrime1988 said:
Screw waiting for Mother’s Day. Go NC now and let the horrible woman suffer. NTA.
UPDATE:
Update 1: We blocked her on everything. I told my husband i think i need to cut her out immediately and he said “let’s do it.” The air already feels easier to breathe.
Update 2: a new social media account was created late last night with no photo or info and messaged me a few times on TT. I already blocked them but the message was to the effect of: “you’re a stupid b word and are not ready for what you have coming.
We all hate you, we’ve told the whole town for years, they know what a controlling b word you are. He’s going to leave you and the kids for coming between him and his own mother. You are done ruining this family. You will be alone and nobody will want you or the kids. Your punishment is coming. You are done for.” So…that’s intense. I would say mil noticed we blocked her on everything.
Update 3… she did something to prove she could get to my kids even though i thought i had my bases covered. It upset myself and my husband a great deal so i was talking to a friend and she asked how i can not wonder about her felony. i said my husband told me what he knew, which was minimal. That she said she was falsely accused and it was a misunderstanding.
i never pushed. But my friend dug in and it’s awful. She pleaded no contest, her lawyer argued that the statutes of limitations should be shorter and was caught lieing saying she had no idea what she was doing when she had a masters in business… she allegidly embezzled 60k from a children’s non profit.
My husband doesn’t want to know any updates so i can’t tell him but I’m shocked that what she told him was so far from the truth.
