Am I the Asshole?
A little back story my mom (50F), sister (19F) and I (22F) have had a very hard year relationship wise. My mother has decided to separate from our father (51M) and it got messy. She came to us before she even brought up the possibility to our father to ask if she should do it and how we felt. We told her we know they haven’t been happy but she needs to do what she feels is best. I specifically told her I didn’t want to be part of it. Then when it happens she uses what my sister and I said to justify the fact that she wants to separate from our father. She twisted our words to our father which in return caused a strain on our relationship with him. So from that place onward my sister and occasionally I (during fights that are heated) will record the conversation so our words can no longer be twisted and our mother or the other person can’t lie about what they said. We live in NC which is a 1 party state, so it’s perfectly legal to do so. We don’t share these recordings with anyone other than ourselves and we all go to therapy so I will occasionally share with my therapist to help me understand a situation and myself better. She has also recorded my dad, sister, as well as myself in the past when there was a fight or I was acting “unsatisfactory”
Now to the story:
My mother and I work together running our family business. We have been having trouble especially this year with the whole debacle happening in our family. Lines are extremely blurred and it hasn’t been pretty. So we went to therapy where in the session I revealed I had the recordings. She totally lost it. Blaming my sister and I for breaking her trust. Acting as if we are making her go crazy. These conversations we have recorded are not deep and darkest secret moments we are recording— we are doing it to have our backs when we are questioned down the road (happens quite a lot). My mother has now totally kicked me younger sister out of the family and says she will never trust her again and saying some pretty horrible things. She has even taken as far as to post it on facebook to get “a general consensus” and instead of saying someone recorded a fight between her and them, she writes the post as if someone has recorded her saying something damming or private and shared it with the world. I think she is no better than a child by bringing it to social media. So my question is , Am I the asshole for recording fights with my parent to protect myself down the road and not feeling sorry about it?
And to add our father knows we have recorded him as well as our mother during fights that include us. We don’t share them with outside family members or friends (if anyone it’s our significant others of 5+ years or therapist). He agrees with us recording, he says I get it you do it to protect yourself.telf
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