“AITA for returning my homemade wife’s birthday gift me and telling her I don’t want it?”

I need an outside opinion on this. This has been an ongoing issue that I have talked to her multiple times about. My wife makes less money than me and is the type of people who prefers to make her own gifts for people. The issue is she will do this even if the person doesn’t want this. I will use myself as an example.

For the past few years she has made every single gift I have been given. No matter what I asked for I get a homemade gift, doesn’t matter if it is cheap or not. Last Christmas I asked for a new a few things and I got a homemade scarf.

I always get her stuff she want. I have talked to her about this multiple time. My birthday was yesterday and I asked her to give me a book. It was only 25 dollars and I sent her the link. I opened the gift and she made some homemade bookmarks. It wasn’t even the type of bookmarks I like. They were made from fabric and I like the wooden ones.

I must have made a face because she asked what was wrong. I told her I didn’t want these. I made it so clear what I actually wanted and I have talked to her so many times. I handed them back and went out to buy the book. We had a big fight when I got back, she claims I am being ungrateful and a jerk.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

EffPop

The title is confusing because I thought your wife is homemade. Technically that may be true?

NTA – a $25 book that you asked for was too much effort? Good grief.

Quick_Dig3584 OP:

Hahaha, yeah I should have but homemade after wife. You are right it does sound like my wife is homemade . Like I gave her the link, she just had to hit the buy button. I don’t think that is asking too much . It wasn’t even expensive

OrangeCubit wrote:

How disparate is your wife’s income compared to yours? Does she have access to your income? Is she living in poverty while you have cash to throw around?

OP responded:

I make a about 30k more than her, we have shared accounts and I pay for most things. Like the mortgage. she makes about 40k before taxes – she has enough money to buy a 25 dollar books . She also could just use the shared account also.

Fit_Government5736 wrote:

NTA. This is like the scenario where a boyfriend/husband buys a woman lingerie for her birthday. It’s not really a gift for the recipient, it’s a gift for the giver. SHE thinks gifts should be homemade so that’s what SHE wants to give her husband regardless that he has given her very low cost options of things he would like to receive.

I’m not one to be on the double-standard bandwagon here, but I believe that this is genuinely one of those times when if the roles were reversed, it would be a very obvious NTA verdict and the husband would be crucified in the comments.

firefly232

“She also could just use the shared account also.” Does she know this? How much savings does she have? Is she putting all her money into the joint account, or does she have money set aside for personal spending?

You are NTA for not wanting handmade gifts but you need to tell her very clearly, no more handmade stuff.

Quick_Dig3584 OP:

Yes obviously She uses it all the time, she has money

We are not poor, she is not poor even though she makes less since I pay more

Also I have told so many times

Full_Babygirl wrote:

NTA – you clarified in a comment that she does earn enough to afford the book. It’s just inconsiderate to not listen to your partner when they have repeatedly voiced what they want. Is this a frugal thing or a power play thing where she just decides what you want? Respect needs to go two-ways and I’m guessing she enjoys her gifts.

Amohkali wrote:

This will get downvoted, but telling someone what to buy you when you have the money/make more than the other person seems wrong. Just buy the book, don’t hurt your wife’s feelings over a cost you have already said is trivial.

You sent her a link. In that same amount of time you could have ordered the book. She put effort significantly beyond clicking a couple of links on her browser, and you got angry about it.

You have plenty of people telling you that you are justified in treating her this way, but you clearly felt bad enough about it to at least question your response. That suggests you might be willing to look at the other side. Hope you do, for your marriage’s sake.