AITA for refusing to bring garlic bread to Christmas dinner?
Yes, my kids probably know Santa isn’t real, but they aren’t ready to give it up. As long as they’re willing to still pretend, I will too. She has always behaved like this on Christmas though.
Many of you seem to think my husband and I have opposing viewpoints on this- we don’t. We’ve used the term “weaponized incompetence” regarding her. She refuses to do a lot of things for herself and doesn’t consider others. For example, my husband has asked her to schedule Dr appointments for earlier in the day so he only needs to take half a day. She’ll schedule them for noon or 1pm because she doesn’t want to get up early. He is just as befuddled by why she does the things that she does and what she’s trying to accomplish with it.
She’s not like your sweet loving Mimi that you’d love to spend another day with. She emotionally blackmails my kids (especially my youngest) if they don’t want to go visit and sleepover. My husband remembers being a preschooler and dreading his mom coming home from work (his dad was a SAHD). She used to take his gifts from his grandfather to keep for herself and she’ll often take back Christmas gifts after they’re unwrapped. For example tonight, she bought each of my girls 2 packs of Nike socks but after she saw them open a pack at home this morning, she took a pack back from my youngest and told her “you don’t need this many-these will fit me.” She’s also done this with shoes that’s she bought them. If she’s going to do that, then why not just take them out of the gift pile before we get there? Why let them open them at all?
We are also there frequently- several times a week, even if only for 10 minutes at a time, so it’s not like she’s sitting by herself for days and days without another human. We also invite her to all the kids’ stuff (band/chorus concerts, softball opening day, dance recitals etc) but she never wants to go to those.
My mom has always been the one who has had our back. When we were younger and poorer, she always made sure we were eating and had enough money to get through. When we were sick with the flu, she came and got our healthy daughter (and our dog!) home with her so that we didn’t have to worry about them. Even my husband has said that if one of them were going to move in with us, he’d pick my mom each time- this is not an evil DiL situation for those of you making that accusation.
So I’m might be TAH, but she’s also not a sweet, innocent little old granny who is sitting at home waiting patiently for someone to come visit.
My (42f) MiL (72f) is a grade-A pain in the ass. Since my FiL passed away 5 years ago, she’s become incredibly helpless and wants my husband (41m) to do everything for her.
She will call multiple times in the summer and say “when are you coming to cut my grass?” And when we suggested that she use the landscaper that the neighbors on both sides of her use, she said “why would I pay someone when you can do it for free?” She also expected him to pay for the gas, belts, and any routine maintenance for the lawnmower also. It will also be routine things like “vacuum under my bed, change my seasonal curtains, take my car to get inspected etc) She doesn’t comprehend that we have 2 daughters (14, 11) who keep us VERY busy with dance, theater, softball, Girl Scouts, PTO, as well as our fulltime jobs.
She will do things like invite us over for pizza and then tell us that it’s our turn to pay for it.
She’s not hurting for money either. She just bought a $55k Explorer and paid cash for it.
For Christmas each year, my mom does Christmas Eve. She buys Bob Evans and my husband and I pick it up. Then the kids spend the evening at my moms, playing with their gifts from her, while the husband and I go home and finish up Christmas stuff. Then on Christmas morning, my mom and MiL come over and watch the kids open their gifts (where my MiL will look at my husband and say “where did you get that???” Uhhh… 1.) SANTA! and 2.) why are you asking him like he’d know?) In the evening, we go to my MiL’s for dinner.
Here’s where I might be the AH. The last few holiday meals, she has stopped making anything holiday-ish and makes spaghetti, which I’m fine with, but she perseverates on the garlic bread and makes 101 excuses for why she can’t get it and then she expects us to run to Walmart and get it (she used to buy it all the time when my FiL was alive, so she knows what the effing Texas toast looks like). When she was here today, she said “did you get the garlic bread?” And I spoke over my husband after he said “DG didn’t have any” and said “we’ve been incredibly busy and by the time we had a chance to get to the store, Walmart was CLOSED! We didn’t pick the kids up until after 11 last night!”
My husband says that she talks about how her family used to all come with a dish to dinner and thinks that’s what she’s wanting us to do too, but I told him that she’s making s
