AITAH for telling my husband I dont care his mhim upset?
om cried or that it made My husband blames me for making his mother cry because I am sick of her coming to my home with her creep of a husband. (My husbands step dad)
This man texted his granddaughter (teen at the time) for a “sexy” picture. This was 4 years ago. MIL separated for a little but then got back with him in secret. Got him sober after 2 years and then this year shes been trying to involve him in mine and my husbands lives because none of her other children really speak to her since they found out. Especially the son who’s child was affected.
I dont blame them. Her excuse has always been “he was on drugs” “he treats me so amazing” “hes sober now and is upset by his actions”. I genuinely don’t give a fuck.
He is what he is and I refuse to let that type of person around my child. But because he has previously visited the home and I was cordial she thought all was well. Absolutely not.
Thanksgiving was my final straw. She made a comment that everyone needs to get over it, and that she deserves to be happy. Mind you, she was invited to her other son’s house for the holiday but because she refused to leave the creep home, she made my husband feel bad so we also wouldn’t go to my BIL.
When christmas came around, I put my foot down and said that man is not allowed in my home. So the 24th and 25th my husband ignored his moms calls, the 26th he goes to her house and tells her I didnt want them there and that they are no longer welcome.
She apparently starts crying, saying the same 3 excuses of why she forgave him and that I was a liar and two faced. And her crying fit upset my husband. I told him I genuinely do not understand why hes so upset. His mom is worried about herself and her feelings. I cant feel bad for her. So because of that, I lack empathy and im the terrible person.
To be clear, my husband does not excuse his step-dads behavior what so ever. But he can look past it because he got sober for my MIL and because like my husband loves to remind me “id go to jail if he tried that shit”. To which I reply ” you wouldn’t have to, if you dont give him an opportunity”.
My husbands reasons for being upset are:
His mom has been through so much, she deserves happiness.
His mom has done everything for him and none of her kids love her except him.
He’d never let anything happen to our child (who’s a teen now).
He doesnt want his mom dying alone.
I personally:
Dont give a fuck
Want my child safe over his mom being happy.
Think his mom deserves the hate because she chose a disgusting man over her family.
Never said his mom wasnt welcome, just the creep.
So, AITAH?
Clarification
I guess I should have clarified. I know im right about setting boundaries.
AITAH for showing absolutely no empathy or sympathy to my MIL and husband because of my boundaries. Thats what my husband is upset about.
Update
Given an ultimatum. Divorce or Therapy.
Kinda saying fuck it. Ive suggested Therapy a few times for other issues. Hes always said no. But now that his mom is the reason for the arguments, we should go? Therapy will just speed divorce along now.
Thanks for the advice and help.
I hope those personally hurt by situations like this are healing and understand it was not your fault. You deserve peace and happiness.
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