I’m in a really tough spot. I (34F) and my boyfriend (30M) are an interracial couple.
I’m mixed (white / hispshic), he’s black. Over the course of my relationship my parents have made ignorant comments to him. He generally lets it go chopping it up to their uneducated status. The comments have ranged from asking him if he’s a gang member due to him having sleeves. Asking him his dream job and following it up with “like a rapper” before he could even reply.. [keep in mind the man is college educated with a corporate job] to asking him how he can tell when he’s sunburnt because his skin doesn’t turn red. Recently (without me) they traveled to AL and comments were made about (poc) which I later found out about. My sister got married in August and her new husbands grandparents (80+ years of age asked my bf if he and his family were legally in the US because his parent is from the Caribbean).. obviously none of this is okay and its downright embarrassing and super humiliating for me. I cannot possibly take responsibility for all of these people but as his partner I did put my foot down. I preface this by saying my mother is mentally ill and acts like a 13 year old little girl. When i brought this up i carefully approached it in a kind way as to not attack her. Of course, she immediately became defensive and lost her mind when I said she needs to figure out the micro aggressions. She is adamant it’s not like that she’s not racist they love him. He comes over frequently and is always upbeat, friendly kind and engaging. She went so far as to tell me he’s “being sensitive” and her ignorance isn’t coming from a place of hate. I take issue with the fact that part of loving him is respecting him and his culture. Anyways what started out as a genuine attempt on my part to address this turned into an argument and ultimately an explosive situatuon. Now everyone’s mad. I told my bf I addressed it as best I could and going forward if he feels comfortable to please address any of this stuff himself with them. Do I cut off my entire family? Do I end my relationship because he deserves better than what he’s receiving from them? This whole thing seems to common sense to me.. my family sucks.
am I the asshole here?
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