I (35 F) was dating a guy (34) for about 2 months, who was fired from his job Nov 25.
It didn’t make me like him any less, he had what seemed like a positive outlook, and we talked about how it had helped his faith in God.
The day he got fired, he had brought up the idea of taking me on holiday dates. But I wasn’t too concerned about him taking me on dates after he had shared with me that he got fired. However, I saw him continue to spend money by taking day trips to snowboard (which is an $20-40 entry fee each time, and also 2 hours round trip, so, ya know, gas money), and also buy snowboarding gear. And that is absolutely fine that he did that. But he would also continue to bring up that he wanted to take me on dates, but there didn’t really seem to be much follow through. No real planning besides making a dinner for me one time (absolutely loved and appreciated this). It seemed every week, the plan for our time together would be vague or unplanned/at home or he would ask me last minute to hang out. OR I would plan something for us which I’m fine with, but I’d also like for us to take turns. He would occasionally talk about taking me on date, and sometimes I would playfully tease him like “heyyyy so when ya gonna take me on that date 😏”
Yesterday he had mentioned how some plans I was trying to make work with my friends fell through and that we could maybe turn it into a little date night instead. Idk why but it just triggered me so hard because it felt like he hadn’t really followed through anytime he brought up the idea of a date for us in the past, except for the first week. Through some reflection, I also realized I needed this to change and now would have to firmly tell him that I needed him to plan actual dates for us. It felt infuriating that I had to once again ask a man, multiple times, for what I believe is the bare minimum in a relationship. But I didn’t lash out at him, I feel like I calmly and directly expressed my feelings. (I feel like that because I used ChatGPT to emotionally regulate and then asked it to come up with something to say to him regarding my feelings using that framework lol). I tried to clearly explain that it wasn’t about spending money at all, it was about thoughtfulness and effort. I tried to explain that I stopped feeling prioritized.
He sent me long explanations about my feelings but then at the end basically ended up saying that he is a lot more stressed than he had led on, and that he felt like he “probably isn’t in a position to start a new relationship.” I didn’t try to argue or beg. But now I’m wondering if I’m a heartless asshole for expecting him to plan some thoughtful dates even though he doesn’t have an income?
