AITA for being uncomfortable while doing a favor?
I (25F) am married to my husband (25M). We’ve been married for 3 years and have a 5-year-old child, with another baby on the way.
My husband has a brother (32M) and his partner (32F). They have a 2-year-old child.
For years, we’ve tried to maintain a decent relationship with them despite their difficult personalities. They are demanding, entitled, and constantly ask for favors so they can remain comfortable. They expect everyone else to accommodate them, while they refuse to do even the bare minimum—like attending family gatherings. When they do show up, it’s usually just my brother-in-law and their child because his partner is unpleasant to be around. When she does attend, she has a sour attitude, complains openly, and makes it very clear she doesn’t want to be there. This has become a recurring family issue.
Because she doesn’t like to attend events, she often sends my brother-in-law alone with their child. He doesn’t know how to drive, so we’re expected to pick them up, drop them off, and basically shuttle them around. Over time, we’ve ended up carrying the burden of helping them simply because they refuse to help themselves.
A few weeks ago, we had a Christmas dinner. As usual, they asked us for a ride. This time we said no, because whenever they attend, they want to leave early and it cuts our time short. They claimed they would take a taxi back, so we reluctantly agreed. My husband warned his brother ahead of time that I was already uncomfortable with the situation and not to expect me to be cheerful. I was fed up with constantly being asked for favors, especially for ridiculous reasons. They didn’t want to bring their own car because they care about appearances—their car is small and beat up, while we drive an SUV. I found it childish and entitled to inconvenience others over their insecurity, but my husband still agreed because he knew his brother would have issues with his partner if he didn’t.
From the moment she got into the car, she was hostile. We tried speaking to her, and she ignored us the entire ride. She didn’t say a word to us during dinner. When we arrived at the venue, the first thing she did was tell someone that I was a “bitch.”
The next day, my husband confronted his brother about her behavior. His excuse was that we had “ignored her.” After that, she messaged my husband—not me—apologizing for her attitude toward him, while making it clear she has a problem with me. She said there are “attitudes” of mine she won’t tolerate, that being pregnant doesn’t excuse being fine one day and cold the next, and that this shows immaturity. She laughed and said they would no longer ask for favors, acknowledging they are “difficult.” She also claimed they have never made us feel uncomfortable in their home, which is simply false.
This behavior has been ongoing. At my brother-in-law’s birthday, everyone took photos and deliberately excluded me. My husband didn’t say anything in the moment because he knows she gets jealous, but he later addressed it. Whenever I speak, she ignores me. If someone asks me about my pregnancy, she tries to change the subject. She constantly complains about children playing or making noise and has even taken it upon herself to silence me so she can scold my child—sometimes when my child isn’t even doing anything wrong. He simply annoys her by existing.
What infuriates me is that she is the one who consistently acts disrespectfully, makes faces, excludes people, insults others, avoids family events, and treats everyone poorly—yet she feels entitled to lecture me about what she will and will not tolerate. She even left the family group chat, as if she were the victim.
She believes she’s the only one allowed to feel uncomfortable and treat others however she wants. But with me, she crossed the wrong line.
So, AITA for being uncomfortable and no longer willing to play along with this behavior?
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