We have been dating for 4 months now and everything has been great except for one thing, her bff. Dude is clearly in love with her but she refuses to see it. He is always joking about how he is the one will make her the happiest, that she should be with as they are soulmates etc. She has known the dude for close to 8 years now and has never dated him but he has been her bff for a very long time.
It didn’t bother me till she started bringing him on our dates as “he was feeling lonely and he has no other friends”. Seriously dude is 32 but I have never seen him with any friends. Our first fight was also about him as she was asking me to take him with me when I was going to hang out with my friends but I drew a clear red line- not happening.
Also, around one month ago her ex contacted me via facebook (we attended the same college) and asked me to be careful about the bff. At that time I thought it was just something a jealous ex would say but now but now I agree with him 100%.
Dude calls her regularly when she is out with me, always tries to come with us on our dates and generally makes demands on her time so much that sometimes I feel like a third wheel. Now I should make it clear that my gf never crosses any boundaries with him, but at the same time she doesnt shut him down forcefully.
At first I thought about giving her an ultimatum but ours is a 4 month old relationship and they go back 8 years, there’s no point in giving an ultimatum. So the only other way is to break up with her, which is a shame because she is an awesome gf apart from this. Is there any other way? Anything I can do so that our relationship doesnt breakdown? i would really like to hear any and all plans, please guys. Thank you.
This is what people had to say to OP:
DongusMaxamus said:
Is he the reason why her ex and her broke up? She needs a serious wake up call. This relationship is between you and her. Her bff doesn’t feature. It’s ok if occasionally you hang out but bringing him along on dates is fucked up and you need to tell her that if she can’t see that then that’s a problem.
Minute_Box3852 said:
Break up with her and tell her her ex warned you about him and he was right. That 2 relationships ended bc of him. Ask her how many more she’s willing to lose bc of him and that he is not her friend. He’s waiting for her to pick him. His actions show he is intentionally trying to drive a wedge in her relationships and does not care about what she does or doesn’t want. He’s proven he only cares about his wants.
IllegalCrabSmuggler said:
Your girlfriend knows. She enjoys the attention and also thinks that if things go bad between you maybe she could fallback on him. She’s the kind of girl to keep many fallback options. I suggest you move.
Later that day, OP shared this update:
I have decided to break up with her. Sure I can talk with her again but I have already talked to her 5 times with nothing to show for it. So I will do it tonight when I get off work. Doing it over text doesnt seem to be nice. Thank you for helping me reach a conclusion, I appreciate it.
The next day, OP shared this second and final update:
So I broke up with her, it was difficult to do but I knew it was the right thing to do. I went to her apartment and basically told her that this relationship is not working for me. She was surprised as we had just watched a movie on the weekend. So I took that opportunity and explained to her that it was supposed to a date with us two and instead she brought her bff there?
I told her that I have no issues with her friendship with her bff but he has been regularly infringing on our time and that is something which has always overshadowed our relationship. And I have absolutely no interest in competing for her attention with her bff. Also the dude openly flirts with you right in front of me, and I have absolutely no desire to be this kind of dysfunctional relationship.
So this is goodbye, hopefully you are able to put boundaries with your bff before moving on with someone else and if you dont then its not my headache anymore. And then I walked away as she was trying to say its not like that, she has no feelings for the bff and he was just lonely.
I honestly didnt want to hear anything at that point so I walked away. I am sad right now but I will be ok eventually. Thank you for the support guys, it was appreciated.
