“AITA for applying for the same job as my significant other?”

Context: Me and my significant other are college students looking for a job for the upcoming summer. Before that, we had worked together at a different job paying minimum wage, and I thought it had gone pretty well, and they did not seem to have any problems with me working with them during that time.

The relationship is pretty serious at this point, as we’ve been together for a while now (High School Sweethearts.) Now, we are studying the same major, and are on very similar life paths.

I was browsing for jobs so I can save for the upcoming year and I remembered one of their relatives telling us about a summer student program they were doing at their job. It paid great (compared to minimum wage at least) and seemed like a great opportunity, so I applied. Later on, when I told them about it…

They got upset with me because it seems like I have just copied everything they have done up to this point (same majors, same university, etc.) They have gotten some “heat” from their family about this, although I thought it was only in a joking type of way. For me, I applied because it paid great and has nothing to do with them whatsoever.

I can see how everything up to this point may have come across as me copying them, but I think it is 1.) purely coincidence, as we’re very similar in terms of what we want to do with our lives, career-wise. and 2.) not such a big deal if we end up working in the same job again.

I understand that they don’t like those jokes that their family makes, but I don’t see why I should have to give up a great opportunity. I don’t really want to work for minimum wage again, as I need the money for rent and other living expenses when I go back to school next year.

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

I realized that there is lots of missing context here that I should’ve added. We have had conversations about the copying thing before but they’ve always ended in a stalemate, with them defending their family and me defending my own. They says that it isn’t helping my case with the family that I seem to be copying everything, because I apparently am on their “bad side.”

However, I thought I got along well with them as I’m good friends with my SO’s siblings, and I thought it seemed like their parents liked me as well, as we acknowledge each other whenever we see each other, such as in public settings or gatherings. I do understand that it comes off weird that I seem to be copying everything that they are doing, but that really isn’t the case.

While I can see that it seems that way, all of my decisions came independently from theirs and they had very little influence over them. For example, I chose my major as it is versatile with what I can do with it, not to mention that it is what I personally enjoy. I chose my school as it was my first choice, and is relatively close to my family back home.

I figured that I didn’t want to deprive myself of what I want to do just because they beat me to it. But up until this point, we’ve just agreed to disagree. I do think that that is as far as the similarities go, as our plans after our degree become somewhat different. I think I want to move back home and work from there while they want to stay and work in the city.

Another fact is that this job doesn’t have anything to do with what we’re studying (totally different fields). At the time, my SO’s relative presented the job to both me and my them, so I thought that nothing’s wrong with applying.

I have also expressed my interest of trying out that field before I commit to my major and applying before (I figured, nothing wrong with varied experience), but I don’t think they remember me doing that. Right now I’m faced with either pursuing this job, but there being potential problems down the road or pursue another job with less pay, but would stop the copying issue for now. Thoughts?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

herecomes_the_sun said:

YTA. You have to have a conversation about it if you’re going to try to work with your SO. Also, you say “with” but is it actually the same job you’re applying for? So only one of you will get it? And it was based on his family’s connection?

Idk, I do think its pretty weird you both do the exact same thing and have no space from each other whatsoever personally or professionally. It truly does seem like one of you copied the other at some points. I’d take a step back, go to therapy, and make sure I was making my own decisions.

Neon_Owl_333 said:

NTA, you should follow up with them and ask how much of their issue is that their family is teasing them. Might be awkward though if they don’t get the job they applied for and you get it instead. Still, better one if you gets a good job then neither.

Spiritual-Bridge3027 said:

One person does not own the opportunity to work at a job or internship. I understand your SO’s annoyance at you possibly copying everything they do but they can get over it. You need to do whatever pays better and is better for your career prospects. NTA.

Dangerous_Pepper_939 said:

YTA for not discussing it first. I wouldn’t want to see my so at work, home, and social events. Having free time from each other is a fair ask. Seems like you doing give them the opportunity to say no.

MementoMiri said:

YTA, not because applying for the same job, but because of not talking about it with your partner, if this is a serious relationship, why go behind their back?

Puzzleheaded-Score58 said:

NTA but do you think that the real problem might be that your SO feels suffocated? Like you need to be attached to the hip or something. It seems it’s a deeper issue than just you seeming like you’re copying everything. Do you have your own hobbies and friends outside of your SO?