Posting anonymously because I don’t know who is in this group… and it might be long so I’m sorry in advance…
Our son is 12, I (36f) left his dad (34m) in January of 2015 because he cheated on me. To be honest, I don’t think either of us ever cared about each other too much, but I got pregnant after one night and we tried to do the right thing. Obviously ended badly. I couldn’t care less that he cheated, if anything it gave me and him both a way out, sounds horrible, but it just wasn’t meant to be…
I met my now husband (39m) in August of 2015. My son’s father and I had a discussion early on that he would prefer that we leave any significant others out of matters with our son. I am fine with that. Always have been. When I met my now husband, my sons dad was single. And my husband never had any kids of his own, so my kid (and a “baby daddy”) were a new situation for him. He never questioned it.
My ex found someone a year later and she was not good to our son. She had two kids of her own and then they gained custody of my exes niece because his sister was a drug addict, that’s so great of him to step up for her and her kids and his sisters kid but he never prioritized our son. He evaded child support for many many years. He’s on the lowest amount monthly, doesn’t provide insurance like the government asked, I already have. He pays $200 a month. He dodged it so bad for so long that he now owes me $8k dollars in back pay.
My husband and I pay for everything. We are middle class. Possibly upper middle depending on how you decide that. Anyways, in August of 2024 he got divorced from the woman he was married to, whose kids he supported while neglecting to support our son. Him and I and my husband became friendly. Wed invite him over for dinner, because we felt bad he no longer had anyone to cook for him. We invited him to Christmas morning and other holidays so he wasn’t alone, this made our son happy. He came to all. We’d even send him home with leftovers. He’d call me daily on his way home from work to talk about his day, he was clearly lonely. We were sad for him. I’d share recipes of things he liked so he could learn to make things himself. He had gotten a “girlfriend” who I loved and her and I talked all the time.
Anyways, in October he met a new girl. Her husband had just died in August. They had no kids and her husband was in his 50’s or 60’s. Died of cancer. 2 weeks into their relationship my son’s dad introduced her to him. My son likes her. I liked her. But his dad started talking to me badly, I called him out on it and he said I just didn’t like his girlfriend. That would NEVER be the case. We all want him to be happy. But since she doesn’t have kids, she started talking about how they would be a family… super great, I was happy my son’s dad found someone who would finally make my son a priority. Good for him. Great for him actually.
Well, in November/December he started not being allowed to speak to me without her around. It had to be speakerphone or texting only. Tomorrow him and I have an orthodontist appointment for our son and he dropped him off tonight after his weekend with him, and said he was bringing her. I told him I didn’t feel it was necessary… I’ve never involved my husband in anything financially with our son like that, and he says she just needs to look at the “finances of it”. It’s an orthodontist. He needs braces. And if she says no, then my husband will just pay it all anyways upfront like he always has had to.
AITA for saying she doesn’t need to be there? This is his boundary HE set 10 years ago. My husband has always picked up the bill for everything. My insurance that he is supposed to pay but doesn’t is paying A lot of this…
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