I need unbiased advice because my friends are split on this, and I feel like I might have destroyed my marriage.
My husband found out yesterday that I have a secret bank account with over $45,000 in it. The problem isn’t the money; it’s what he had to do while I was hiding it. We have been married for 4 years, and the last two have been absolute hell financially. He lost his corporate job and took a warehouse gig working 60 hours a week just to keep the lights on. We’ve been eating rice and beans, cut our internet, and really struggled.
Last month, it got so bad that he sold his dream truck—the 1970s pickup his late dad helped him restore—just so we wouldn’t get evicted. He cried the whole day he sold it. It broke him.
The whole time he was struggling, I was sitting on that $45,000. It was from an injury settlement I got before we married. My mother drilled it into my head: “Never let a man know your full worth. Keep a ‘Runaway Fund’ that he can’t touch.” So I kept it in a High-Yield Savings Account and told myself it was for “emergencies only.” I watched him sell his dad’s truck and didn’t say a word.
Yesterday, a tax form for the account came to the house by mistake. He opened it, saw the $45,200 balance, and just went silent. He whispered, “I sold my dad’s truck for $8,000… and you had this?” He packed a bag and left. My friends say I was smart to protect myself in case he ever turned on me, but his family is calling me a financial predator.
Was I wrong to have a safety net? Or is this unforgivable?
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