AITA if I cancel hubby’s birthday plans and leave the house leaving hubby to host his family for my birthday?

I only have four days to make a decision. I have been going back and forth trying to decide if I should cancel my husbands birthday reservations I made for him at this really cool indoor golf place followed by reservations for dinner. He’s always commented on wanting to try both and I thought it would make a nice gift. His birthday is only a few days after mine.

For Christmas he legit took the time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers for our daughter in the next size up and presented it to me as my gift. I’m still angry about that. No, gag gifts for Christmas has never been a thing between us. Last year he got me a spatula and I thought this year he would do better after the falling out we had over the spatula.

A little bit of Background info: Our daughter is now two months old and we have been working on replacing the floor and painting our home since before she was born with the goal of having it done before she can crawl. Over the summer he did the nursery floor and in the fall, a week before she was born, he did the flooring in our older son’s room. Mind you, the flooring was given to us for free from my dad, and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw for Christmas to get the job done so we would no longer have to borrow his. I do all the painting.

This past week as we have been clearing things out of our bedroom for me to do the painting and him the flooring he brought up my birthday. He said, “wow, all this work for your birthday gift.” I said “Excuse me, what gift? He said “All the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom, but don’t worry I’ll still do a dinner for you and we can invite your mom and my family, what do you want me to cook?” I said “I would like to just have a quiet birthday dinner, you, me and the kids at Longhorn Steak House, come home and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not my gift. This is something we’ve been planning now for a year. And with the house torn up, I don’t want to host anyone in our home especially after having hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Besides we don’t even have a place for people to sit. We have all the bedroom furniture, and our clothing in the living room. I’m currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor in here. Plus, I’m not a fan of your brother coming over so you two can sit and just drink beer all evening while I watch our and his kids.” He said no, I’m going to cook at home, just tell me what you want me to cook. I said “Ok, I want to do steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans.” (But there is a problem here, he can’t make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes green beans if their boiled. I like fresh green beans slowly sautéed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I want it cooked this way, I will have to do it.) He said “no, we’re not doing steak, it will cost to much if the family comes over. I’ll just do a chicken.” I lost it. I said again, “For MY birthday… I DO NOT want people over.” He kept arguing the issue and I said “fine, do what you want for my birthday.” Side note: Last year, he ordered the traditional tres leches cake but he ordered it with peaches. I hate peaches, he likes peaches. I like strawberries. Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake, he thought it was hilarious.

I am now seriously considering cancelling his b-day golf outing & dinner reservations, leaving home if he invites his family for my birthday, buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it with a card that says “Happy birthday. I painted the house for you.” Would I be the Asshole?

Update:

Birthday plans: I have since logged in and cancelled his birthday golf outing and dinner reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his day off work so he will be watching baby as I have also booked myself for a 90 minute massage. After that I will be stopping by Starbuck for my favorite drink and one hour of un-interrupted time with my new book that my son got me for Christmas. Then I will be picking him up from school and taking him to go see a movie. I will round off the day by coming home, taking a long hot bubble bath, ordering DoorDash and ending my day holding baby girl. That sounds like an amazing birthday to me. For him, I will just be getting him a card that reads “Happy Birthday, I painted the house for you.” The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes. If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him “I cancelled the Golf outing and dinner reservations and instead go this bulk pack of wipes; the perfect gift to accompany the box of diapers you got me for Christmas.” He will get the message.

Divorce: As for the people advocating for divorce, kicking him to the curb, leaving with the kids in the middle of the night, claiming that he isn’t a good husband to me and father to our baby, please know that you only got one little glimpse into our life. He is a loving and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility for a very long time so this baby was a surprise but a welcomed blessing. Every day I prayed to not miscarry and even feared death during labor as my pregnancy was high-risk. He took a month off of work to care for me as I recovered from 3 degree tearing and a bruised tailbone. Every night he does the night time routine: Bath, pajamas, story time, and rocks baby girl to sleep. While he does that, I do the house reset: dishes, garbage, sweep. He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes my sleep over his to make sure that I am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day. This is the same man who, during pregnancy, cooked me breakfast every morning and massaged my feet every night. Before he leaves for work every day he will make sure I have time to self-care (shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and pump) before handing me the baby (if she’s awake). Then he will make sure I am happy on the couch with baby girl and anything I could need before he leaves-blanket, remote, water cup, my phone, phone charger, a clean binky and bottle for baby. As soon as he get’s home from work, he will take her and give me 30 minutes to myself before we start talking dinner plans. We make a good team when it comes to daily life. I don’t have to make him lists of things to do. I like that when were low on milk, he will just pick it up on his way home without having to be asked and he doesn’t wait for a “thank you” like he did me some big favor the way I have seen other men seek gratitude for doing basic tasks.

He sucks at gift giving and this year and last year, so yes! I will be doing nothing for him for his birthday. Despite the shitty thoughtless gift and non-birthday birthday plans, I will be holding off on kicking him out and just matching his energy for his birthday. For Christmas 2026, I think I will get him an IKEA toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it a day.

Thank you to everyone who showed me kindness.