AITA: Caught my partner on a very uncomfortable call with another man and confronted her about it only to feel like she was gaslighting me.
I really need some honest feedback on this. I overheard my girlfriend on a phone call with another guy and confronted her about it because the phone call was a little uncomfortable for me. (Backstory: We technically broke up not too long ago and aren’t officially dating again but we have had conversations where we have indicated to each other that we want to rebuild our relationship and we have been intimate numerous times since we had that talk so like… we are “together” in my mind).
She made several comments about the current state of her body (we recently had our first baby) and how she doesn’t have any stretch marks from the pregnancy. She laughed and made a sort of joke about how or why she got off birth control (hard to understand the full context because I couldn’t hear what he was saying). And she kept saying “now tell me goodnight” while smirking and even giggling.
When I confronted her about it, at first all she would say was “it was just a friend” and wouldn’t tell me his name. When I pressed harder, she finally told me his name was Derek. Then, I told her that it made me feel very uncomfortable and that if we are rebuilding our relationship that she cannot have conversations like that anymore and that she needed to block him. She quickly reminded me that we “weren’t together” and she didn’t owe me anything and claimed I was bein controlling. This specifically upset me because just a few weeks ago she demanded that I block some random girl from my facebook and I did without hesitation. She continued to argue for a bit and said she did nothing wrong but eventually gave in and blocked him. She sent me a screenshot of her blocking him but she marked out his last name. When I pushed her on that and said that I cannot be with someone that chooses to protect another man’s privacy over my feelings, she dismissed me entirely and threatened to leave for the night if I didn’t drop it. For the sake of peace, I tabled it for the night.
The next day, she made a passive comment to me basically shifting the blame back to me for “overreacting” and I snapped. I told her that it was the final straw and I was going to give her one single opportunity to show me the screenshot of her blocking him and a screenshot of the call in her call log with nothing marked out or redacted or I would have no choice but to end things with her permanently. She didn’t even respond. She just called me later to show me our baby doing something cute as if nothing had even happened. I hung up the moment I realized she had completely dismissed me.
I’ve stood strong in this and I’ve told her that she made her decision and that I am simply enforcing the consequences of her crossing the boundary that I set for her but she blames me and says that I “chose not to have a family with her anymore.” I simply have explained to her that I cannot have a healthy, functioning relationship with someone that I can’t trust.
Am I the asshole? Please, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Please be honest, brutally honest. If I am wrong I want to know. I’ve tried to clearly and fully state everything that I can remember from this event. But if I am wrong here, I want to know so that I can fix it. Because I do want my family more than anything and if there is a chance that I messed up then I don’t mind swallowing my pride to fix it for the sake of keeping my family together. Thanks in advance
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