AITA for refusing to follow a “tradition” at a family gathering even though it upset people?
So, I 27F comes from a family that’s big on traditions, especially around holidays and birthdays. Most of them are easy going, but there’s one that always made me nervous. At every major family gathering, one person is singled out and then everyone is expected to make jokes at their expense. It’s framed as playful, and people laugh, but the jokes often hit personal things, insecurities, past mistakes, failed relationships, that kind of thing.
Growing up, I didn’t have a choice and just sat there taking it when it was my turn. As an adult, I’ve tried to laugh it off, but it still makes me uncomfortable. This year, during a large family dinner, my aunt announced that it was my turn again since I hadn’t been mocked for a while.
Before it started, I calmly said I wasn’t comfortable doing it anymore and asked if we could skip me or do something else. The room got awkwardly quiet. A few people laughed like I was joking, but I repeated myself and said I really meant it. I wasn’t angry or dramatic.
My aunt looked offended and said I was being overly sensitive and ruining the fun. A couple of relatives said I was putting everyone on edge and that’s just how our family bonds. Others stayed quiet. They ended up skipping the jokes entirely, and the rest of the dinner felt so serious.
Afterward, I got messages saying I embarrassed my aunt in front of everyone and made the gathering uncomfortable by not going along with a long-standing tradition. On the other hand, one cousin privately thanked me and said they’ve always hated it too but never felt brave enough to say anything.
I didn’t tell anyone else to stop participating, however, I just didn’t want to be the target anymore. But I can’t shake the feeling that I changed the mood for everyone else.
AITA for refusing to go along with the tradition even though it upset people and changed the dynamic of the night?
