“AITA for wanting to buy my own property now even though my boyfriend is against it?”
Context; I (28f) work for a bank. I don’t know about other countries, but in mine it’s very common for banks to have special staff housing loan schemes. In my bank, rates go from 1.5% to 7%, depending on your performance evaluation, number of years you’ve worked for the bank, etc.
The bank also gives the lowest rates between (1.5% to 2.5%) to a set number of people so there’s a lottery system in place for those loans as the number of eligible applicants are always greater than the quota.
I was selected for a 2% loan for 2026. I just have to utilise it before the end of this year. I am absolutely stoked, obviously. Even with my savings, it wouldn‘t be enough for a down payment so my parents have agreed to help me out with the rest.
I spoke to my boyfriend when I was told I got the loan, and he was less than enthusiastic. He asked me when I applied for it, and I told him I applied in January 2025, before I met him (we went on our first date in February).
He told me that he could see us buying a property together, later on, with our own money and not my parents, but he wants us to be as debt free as possible until that point.
But in my opinion opportunities like this don’t come every day, and if I let this go I will have to apply again and there’s no guarantee that I will get the same terms again. Plus with my parents helping out with the down payment, all the stars are kind of aligning at the moment.
Would I be the a9#^%52 if I wanted to go ahead anyways?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Flimsy-Surprise8234
You’re NTA. He’s not even a fiancé, so his cart is a block ahead of the horse. It is very selfish of him to want you to put your life on hold just in case the two of you build a life together and then he would feel left out. (It’s not even a real problem!) Mind that I’m not saying he IS an AH holistically, nothing here indicates that. But this outlook is unfair and self-centered of him.
He’s worried about you getting something good that he doesn’t get. That’s not the kind of reasoning that you should indulge. You have a rare opportunity and you absolutely should take advantage of it.
Edit that I might even be being slightly unfair to him, he might genuinely just be motivated by the desire to avoid debt. That doesn’t make him any less incorrect, of course, as you are a separate adult with reasoning capacities and are not bound to his particular economic sensibility.
Take advantage of your loan, thank your parents again for being so lovely, and secure your future!
OP (Elegant_Balance5565)
Yeah, I feel like he’s just scared that I won’t be willing to take out another loan/sell the property that I have later down the line when he’s ready to buy but I also feel like he’s getting a bit ahead of himself
Doggedart
NTA
You aren’t engaged, so while you might be thinking about a future together, there isn’t any commitment at this point.
If he’s concerned about it being your house and not his, then tell him that if/when the time comes that you get married, he can buy into your house and go 50/50.
However, I would recommend caution: do not buy the property with him in mind. This is *your* money, *your* future and *your* choice. Do not allow him to tell you what you should be buying. Take your parents house hunting – it’s their investment, too. Do not put him on the deed. And if he moves in, get him to sign a tenancy agreement so that he can’t claim any part of your property.
If you get married, I recommend a prenup.
Amareldys
Buy it now. You can always sell it later when you are married and ready to buy something together.
I owned an apartment going into my marriage. I sold it at a profit and we were able to buy a really nice house between what we both had to put down.
bizianka
NTA. If life taught us anything, it is to never put your dreams on hold for a man. Relationship is good, but having your own property is better. You are only dating less than a year, there is no guarantee that you will last till marriage. But you have a chance to buy a house. Do it.
Sweet_You3550
NTA. BF should be thrilled about this wonderful opportunity for YOU. He really shouldn’t be against anything at this point. He’s not your husband or fiancé AND this was obviously your goal before even meeting him. Why would you change your mind because of his desire for you both “to be as debt free as possible”?
MarisaSassesBack
Would he do the same for you? NO. Does he even realize that 2% is an astonishing interest rate? GO! Don’t wait for him to catch up because he might never do so. Congratulations and good luck!
Peckhamjamboree
Buy the property. I made the mistake of letting my boyfriend talk me out of a flat purchase years ago because we were going to renovate and extend his home. That never happened and we broke up 4 years later when he met someone else. Meanwhile I invested my money in a business which covid destroyed. Buy the house/apartment.
You can always rent it out but you’ll have somewhere to go to if life doesn’t work out the way you expected. The flat I nearly bought has quadrupled in value. Buy the property.
Thin-Account7974
He’s trying to tell you what to do, and stopping you doing what you want.
Keep an eye out for signs like these. It’s controlling behavior. That’s a big red flag.
Get on the housing ladder while you can. It only gets harder if you wait. He can buy his own house later, with his own money.
NeylandSensei
You’ve been with this dude for a year and he’s not a fiancé. 2% loan is crazy, take advantage of that.
dstanleyx
NTA you haven’t even been dating a year yet. Don’t ever put your life on hold or give up opportunities for another person, especially when you haven’t been dating long at all. Anything could happen in the relationship and then you would seriously regret having given up the chance. I don’t really see a reason why he shouldn’t be happy and encouraging at this stage.
I mean yeah you could obviously sell and buy together later if that’s what worked for you both.
