AITAH for refusing to go to the New Years eve party if they invite their friend I hate.
Me (25 F) and two friends we’ll call them Laura and Jade for the sake of this story (both 24 F) had planned to spend New Year’s Eve together, watching horror movies and just chilling. This year one of these friends, we’ll call her Laura, and I went through it and really found a lot of support in each other so I wanted to celebrate the entering of a new year with her and Jade, watching scary movies as we’ve been doing all year. Two days ago Laura asked me if one of their common friend, Marie, could join us, plus one of her guy friends she doesn’t see often and that I met once (apparently, i don’t remember him). The problem is: I can’t stand Marie.
Marie has been nothing but bothersome, cruel and insulting ever since i met her a year and a half ago. When I first started hanging out with Laura and Jade they were always hanging out at Marie’s place, Laura practically lived there because of a complicated family situation, and they would tell me the genuinely nasty shit she would say to them when they didn’t obey her. She would bring up Laura’s family and twist the knife to make her feel bad, she would yell at Jade, demeaning her. And i wasn’t safe either, though she had met me once she started talking shit about me to the girls when they chose to hang out with me instead of her, threatening suicide if they didn’t come to bring her her weed… an awful first impression, you can imagine. Because i’m used to toxic people and have built a really strong narcissist-o-meter, i was able to help them understand that that behaviour is not normal and that they shouldn’t feel guilty for keeping their distance from her. Laura cut her out of her life for a little bit then came back to her when she apologised while Jade stayed friends with her. Cut to a few months later and I received a DM from Marie, apologising to me for the messages she sent. I thanked her and have not really seen her since, except once where she kissed my ass all night and talked about boring shit very loudly, needless to say i still can’t stand Marie.
Back to the present, when I received Laura’s message asking me if it was okay if Marie came for the small, safe, get together we had planned for New Years my heart sank. I told her that I wasn’t into the idea of spending the last night of the year with her but that if the other guy liked horror movies and he was a good friend of theirs, sure, whatever. She answered me that she didn’t expect me to still be mad at her and that she had already said yes. She proceeded to say that she would understand if i didn’t feel like coming anymore and that she was sorry for the “misunderstanding”. I then went from anxious to pissed off real quick, realising that i had just no way to say no to the change made to the party we agreed on together, it wasn’t a misunderstanding, it was disregarding my feelings and opinions, especially when she knows our complicated history with Marie. Laura told me that i was being hard on her and that she didn’t need to be reminded that she fucked up, which i don’t feel like i was doing, just explaining why the situation hurt me. She said she didn’t want to tell Marie no after telling her yes because it would be awkward, so she preferred canceling New Years (it was at her place). This morning she told me that Marie would be hosting and cooking and then we could go to Laura’s place to watch movies together (just us 2 i think). I told her that I found something else so she could stay all night if she wanted.
So the situation found a resolution but I feel really weird about all of it… My bf (25, Laura’s best friend) thinks i’m overreacting, that i should’ve made an effort and that Laura just wanted to spend New Years with her closest friends, which I DO TOO but i don’t really have that choice now do i? He does understand why I’m hurt but if he was me he would’ve compromised and went, since Laura and Jade aren’t mad at Marie anymore so I shouldn’t be on their behalf because they know her more than I do so who am I to tell them she’s no good. I don’t claim to know everything about her it’s just that in the small amount of time I’ve known her she’s done things that I would qualify as friendship ending and I know these girls let fly some batshit crazy stuff so I don’t really trust their judgment when it comes to that, which is where I could be the asshole.
For more info, my friends and bf have known Marie for about 10 years, I’ve only known Jade and Laura for about 2, when my bf introduced me to them. When I met Laura she just came out of a toxic relationship after multiple breakups so I knew she was prone to let her loved ones treat her like shit which broke my heart because she’s such a smart, courageous and caring person and should never feel guilty for asking people to treat her with respect but she was struggling with it. Same for Jade who’s the most tender-hearted, loyal and kind girl anyone could wish for but some people have taken advantage of her pure intentions in the past and i believe still do.
So, do you think I was the asshole for asking for Marie not to come? Should I have “put water into my wine” as my bf says? It would be different if it was a full blown party where i could chose to not talk to her without making the mood weird, i mean it was Laura’s house, she can do whatever but we went purposefully small to assure that the vibes would be good so I’m really confused about how Laura went about it.
What do you guys think?
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