“AITA for telling my wife’s family that they cannot cook turkey in our oven at Christmas?”

Each Christmas, my wife and I host for her family. This has been going on for a while now as we have young kids and it’s just better for the kids to be at home all day on Christmas day to play with their new things. My wife and I are also both vegetarians. We’re not militant, we totally believe that everyone has the right to choose what they eat.

Nevertheless, we both find the meat industry horrific and hate the thought of what meat is. Most of my wife’s family are also vegetarian which helps but her dad and brother aren’t. Normally they cook the turkey at home and then heat it up in our microwave as we never used it so aren’t bothered about meat being cooked in it.

However, our microwave is broken this year, we’ve not replaced it or looked at getting it fixed as we have no call to use it. My father-in-law is now saying that we should either cook the turkey in our oven or at least let them heat it up in the oven. I’ve said no as we really don’t want our oven smelling of meat, same for the air fryer.

We said they’re welcome to bring their own air fryer and use that but he’s being a bit difficult and saying we’re putting our silly beliefs ahead of the Christmas spirit. I’ve tried pointing out that neither of us object to them eating meat in our house, that’s their choice, we just don’t want it being cooked in our oven.

It’s got to the point now where I’m seriously thinking of just buying a new microwave tomorrow just to put an end to this.

So, AITA for not wanting the meat to be cooked in our oven?

UPDATE re. Microwave and travel. I’ve seen a few comments asking about the microwave and people traveling to us so here goes. It broke last Christmas day unfortunately, mother in law was warming up some cake in there and it fizzed and stopped working.

It’s an integrated one so replacing it isn’t as simple as just buying a brand new one, we’d need it to be fitted into the correct space and there’s not really enough room to have a standalone one on one of the kitchen surfaces. It was fine for them to re-heat in the microwave because we never really used it and we use the oven daily.

Plus microwave doesn’t retain the smell like an oven would and also much easier/quicker to clean. We live in the UK, we’re about a 10 minute drive from the rest of the family so it’s not like we’ve made everyone commit to an arduous journey. Everyone wants to come to ours as it’s better for the kids, who are the only grandkids on that side of the family.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Anxious-Routine-5526 wrote:

So you host because it’s easier because you have young kids. Which makes it easier on you but more inconvenient for everyone else. But you aren’t willing to make a one off compromise to make it easier for your FIL and BIL? A bit of a crap move for sure. It’s an oven which can be cleaned not some sacred relic that will be irreparably damaged by having turkey in it once. YTA.

Julie-AnneB wrote:

YTA – It would be different if you had graciously offered to host. But, it sounds like you pretty much insist on hosting because it’s more convenient to have your kids at home. It’s also not like you’re strictly kosher Jews where meat can’t be cooked in your oven or microwave. It sounds like turkey has been a long-standing tradition for them.

So, you want them to bend to your will and have them come to your house. Then, you refuse to allow them to honor their traditions. Your oven, microwave and air fryer would not “smell like turkey,” for more than an hour or two once it’s removed. You say you believe everyone has the right to choose what they eat, and yet your actions say otherwise.

llolllll wrote:

YTA you’re a bad host. Either host or don’t. But telling people they can’t bring and hear food that you refuse to provide makes you an AH. Get a new microwave or let them use your other appliances to heat it. It’s not like the oven or air fryer will be permanently changed by having had meat in it one time.

Dfugigihohfuddydjcj wrote:

Your oven or air fryer won’t smell like meat for more than a few hours. What are we even talking about here. If you allow meat into your home, cooking or heating it up shouldn’t matter. What a strange place to draw the line.

No-Assignment5538 wrote:

Honestly YTA. If you are insisting that Christmas happen at your home “for the sake of your kids” it then becomes incumbent on you to not make that into a problem for other people. If you won’t let them use your oven for Turkey then you need to change your plans so someone who is OK with using their oven for meat will be hosting.

After receiving lots of feedback, OP shared an update.

EDIT/UPDATE

So, I didn’t expect to get quite so many comments so I turned off notifications on this a while back and obviously won’t get time to read every comment but I wanted to give a quick update and mention a couple of things.

My father-in-law phoned me on Christmas Eve to apologize for the way he spoke to us. He appreciated us going to all the effort of hosting Christmas for them and realised he should have respected our wishes as they weren’t anything out of the ordinary. He heated his turkey at home, he ate it with his dinner and everyone had a lovely day.

He also bought us a small standalone microwave for Christmas which got a few laughs. We’ll probably use it for the occasional jacket potato. I’d like to thank the hundreds of people who sent me DMs with support. It was very nice to see that so many people understood the vegetarian point of view.

Conversely though – it is utterly hideous that maybe 20 or so people felt it appropriate to send rude messages. Some carnivores just seem to think all vegetarians are insane militants or something. Those of you who thought it was okay need to have a long hard think about your behaviour. Truly shameful and embarrassing.

Anyway, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, sorry to those who voted me the AH, but turns out that in this situation you were wrong 🙂 Thank you all again for the kind words of support and shame on those who think those messages are appropriate.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

synnaptyk wrote:

YTA and a terrible host. You can let someone else host if you are so put out by letting your guests have what they want to eat.

The_Coaltrain wrote:

OP: “We’re not militant vegetarians.”

Also OP: “Turkey being reheated in our oven is such an intolerable thought I’d rather ruin Christmas for two family members.”

SorbetLost1566 wrote:

I’m vegan. My husband is vegan. Meat doesn’t come into our home. We don’t insist on hosting, but if people want to come over, they know the no meat rule up front. It may be different if I wanted to host to convenience myself.

Also, don’t support the dairy and egg industries.