AITA for saying no to helping my wife after she asked for a divorce?
My wife (28) has very clearly and repeatedly said to me (39) she wants a divorce, not a separation. She’s been firm about that and has also said she wants to establish boundaries between us.
Recently, she asked me to call her bank and her car dealership on her behalf regarding an issue with her auto loan and lien paperwork. She’s currently overseas for the Army (Europe) and turned off her U.S. phone plan, so she said it would be easier if I handled the calls.
I realized I felt uncomfortable being asked to handle this. We’re not together, and making calls about her banking and car loan feels like a spouse-level responsibility that I don’t feel okay taking on anymore. I told her honestly that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it.
She got upset and said things like:
“You can’t make a simple call to help me save money?”
“Your help is always based on what you can get.”
“I’ll just figure out my life on my own.”
That made me second-guess myself. I’m not refusing out of spite, and I wouldn’t care if she asked other friends or family for help. I just don’t feel comfortable being the one to do it anymore, and I don’t want to stay in a caretaker/fixer role when we’re separated.
I ended the conversation calmly and didn’t argue, but now I keep wondering if I’m being selfish or if this is a reasonable boundary.
AITA?
