i’m turning 21 soon and found out my mom applied for and got approved for a credit card in my name. my initial reaction was “oh! um.. okay?” i told her i recently applied to one and she was disappointed that i did that because she already did it for me. she basically said i ruined her “surprise.”the next day, i told her to not do it again. she got really upset and blew up on me. immediately started yelling, calling me ungrateful, disrespectful and said how she’s not the “enemy.” she had said how all her friends and even her boyfriend said it was a good gift too. i tried to defend myself, saying how that’s not a good gift and she told me to shut up. it’s been a long week tbh. she never apologizes and i can’t talk about my feelings without her being either dismissive or full on victim blaming and yelling.i really want to move out but currently don’t have the funds. just wanted to know if im the asshole for reacting this way to a “birthday gift?”
Mom Calls Me Ungrateful After I Refused Her Birthday “Gift” — AITA?
This AITA story explores whether someone is wrong for refusing a birthday gift after their mom opened a credit card in their name without asking.
A 21-year-old is questioning whether they were wrong after refusing a birthday surprise — a credit card opened in their name without permission.
The Backstory: A Birthday and a Big Surprise
The storyteller explains they are turning 21 soon. Like many young adults, they recently began building credit and even applied for their first credit card.
But then a surprise changed everything.
Their mom proudly announced she had already applied — and been approved — for a credit card in the storyteller’s name.
Instead of feeling excited, the reaction was confusion and discomfort. Having an account opened in your name without permission can feel invasive, especially when it involves finances and long-term responsibility.
When the storyteller mentioned they already applied for their own card, the mom became disappointed and insisted the surprise was now “ruined.”
The Turning Point: A Boundary Attempt
The next day, the storyteller tried to calmly set a boundary. They asked their mom not to open financial accounts in their name again — especially without asking first.
But instead of listening, the mom became offended.
She said the storyteller was ungrateful, disrespectful, and treating her like “the enemy.” She argued that her friends and her boyfriend believed the credit card was a thoughtful and responsible gift.
When the storyteller attempted to explain why they were uncomfortable, the mom told them to shut up.
The Final Argument
The argument escalated quickly.
According to the storyteller, this isn’t the first time communication has gone badly. They say their mom rarely apologizes and often responds with yelling, dismissal, or shifting blame when emotions or boundaries come up.
This situation wasn’t just about a credit card — it highlighted an ongoing dynamic where the storyteller feels unheard and controlled.
The Fallout: Uncertainty and Tension
Now things are strained.
The storyteller wants to move out, but doesn’t yet have the financial stability to do so. They’re stuck living under the same roof while wondering:
Did rejecting the gift make them the problem… or was the problem how the gift happened?
Many readers already see the potential risks:
- Unapproved credit accounts can affect someone’s score
- Spending or misuse could leave the storyteller in debt
- A lack of consent makes it feel less like a gift and more like control
So now they’re turning to the community:
Are they the a–hole?
What Reddit Likely Thinks
This situation would likely get a strong NTA (Not The A-hole) verdict.
Opening financial accounts in someone’s name without consent — even with good intentions — can be a serious boundary and trust violation.
Possible realistic responses:
“NTA. A gift shouldn’t involve legal responsibility you didn’t agree to.”
“She didn’t give you a credit card — she took financial control.”
“Good intentions don’t erase the fact she did this without your permission.”
A Final Thought
A gift is something meant to help, not something that creates obligation, pressure, or financial risk.
So the bigger question isn’t, “Was the gift good or bad?”
It’s:
Is a surprise still thoughtful if it removes someone’s choice?
