AITA for feeling resentful about my mom’s will and her idea of “fairness” between my brother and me? She is 82, but in good health(btw).
I love my mom very much and I do everything I can for her. My stepdad passed away 18 years ago and she now lives solely on Social Security.
My older brother has borrowed money from my mom for years — money she honestly didn’t have. This has been a recurring argument between my mom and me. When I’ve asked whether my brother ever paid her back, she gets defensive, so I’ve stopped bringing it up.
Recently, my mom told me she plans to leave her car and her wedding ring to my brother in her will, worth roughly $40k. She reminded me that several years ago she gave me a set of silverware worth about $10k, and said she wants things to be “even” between us.
Here’s where I’m struggling.
I have never borrowed money from my mom. My brother, on the other hand, has received:
Help with a house down payment
Earnest money on another house
$5k for a new transmission on a muscle car
Rental deposits he never paid back…and countless smaller amounts over the years. I also am certain she has hidden most things from me, and many I have forgotten.
When we go out to eat, my brother never pays. I always do — for myself, my mom, and often him and his wife. I host and pay for holidays. I regularly take my mom for manicures and pedicures and never let her pay. I actively cut back on my own self-care so I can afford to treat her — cheaper nail services, fewer appointments, no extras.
My brother does none of this.
So when my mom says she’s trying to be “fair” by giving my brother significantly more in her will because I once received silverware, I feel hurt and honestly kind of erased. It feels like all the financial help he’s already received — and all the ways I show up — don’t count.
As the executor of her will I will honor her wishes, but emotionally I’m struggling with this and starting to feel resentful. “Even” is so far off balance, I would have preferred she told me she simply likes him better!
AITA for feeling this way, even if I don’t plan to fight her on it? I seriously feel off balance from this, I want to cancel hosting the holiday. I think they should spend the holiday without me, my food and my resting happy face. 🙂
