My ex partner and I were together for 3 years. Around 18 months, I realised he was not the right person for me. I began seeing red flags.
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Mainly around communication and conflict resolution. He was unable to make commitments and instead of communicating, he would shut down and often avoid me for days. He lacked emotionally maturity and couldnt commit to intamacy. He has a huge amount of trauma from his childhood that causes him to be an avoidant in relationships- and he was not willing to work on that.
I found myself longing for more. I found myself daydreaming about what I wanted in a partner, and what my expectations were of my life partner.
I stayed, thinking it was a phase and we would work through it.
6 months ago, I told him my plans for my future. I asked him what his plans were and he stated ‘ I dont have any life goals or plans”. He told me that everything I said sounded great and he wanted to do all the things I did.
However, I slowly began rethinking and rethinking this relationship.
I then tried to book a holiday, which was always met with excuses or “lets sit down and work that out on the weekend”. Weekend came, and it was never planned. Alwasy excuses.
At the 3 year mark, I decided that enough was enough and straight up asked him “are we going to move in together when our leases end”. He then procceeded to tell me that I was controlling and toxic and expeted too much from him. LOL A
So, 3 weeks ago, we ended it.
I’m sad I no longer have him in my life. But im SO happy and relevied. I have since written myself a list of all the reasons he is NOT my ideal person and I’m so content with my decision and Im excited to move foreward in life.
I’ve booked not only 1, but 2 holidays that Ive been wanting to take and finally bought the kayak I had wanted to- but he never showed an intrest in.
I realised how squahed I was in the relationship.
I was bored so downloaded a dating app and have been chatting to a few pople- just casually. In the 3 years I dated my ex, he complimented me twice that i remembered. The rest was always negative about my looks, or hair, or body, so hearing nice comments about my smile or eyes in nice
I’ve been asked on a dinner date on Thursday, and i feel like im doing the wrong thing.
AITA for dating again, after 3 short weeks?
To note- I am not looking to settle down into something serious again, I am not looking for a distraction. I am a very secure person, but i feel guilty.
Can i have some thoughts?
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