AITAH for refusing to change a student’s grade after their parent confronted me?
I’m a high school teacher. I’ve been teaching the same subject for years, and I try to be fair, even when it’s uncomfortable.
One of my students this semester, Jake, is usually polite but pretty disengaged. He misses assignments, turns things in late, and sometimes just stares at his desk. I’ve emailed him a few times, talked to him after class. He always nods and says, “Yeah, I’ll get it together.” Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t.
At the end of the term, he was a few points short of passing.
Last week, his mom showed up during my planning period. No email, just appeared at my door. She smiled tightly and said, “Do you have a minute?”
We sat down. She pulled out her phone and started listing things. Jake was stressed. Jake had a lot going on. Jake tried really hard. She said, “He’s not a bad kid.”
“I know,” I said. And I meant it.
Then she said, “So what can we do to fix the grade?”
I hesitated. I could feel that moment stretching out. I said, “At this point, there isn’t anything to redo. The grades are final.”
Her smile dropped. “You can’t just help him out a little?”
I said, “I wouldn’t feel right changing it. Other students met the requirements.”
She leaned back and crossed her arms. There was a long pause. Then she said, “So you’re willing to let him fail over a few points?”
I probably shouldn’t have said this, but I said, “It’s not just the points. It’s the missing work.”
She sighed loudly and said, “Wow. Okay.” She stood up, thanked me in a very flat voice, and left.
The next day, Jake wouldn’t look at me in class. At the end, he muttered, “My mom said you don’t care.”
That stuck with me more than I expected. I replayed the meeting in my head all afternoon, wondering if I could’ve handled it better, if I should’ve offered something small instead of shutting it down so cleanly.
At the same time, changing his grade feels unfair to everyone else, and I don’t want to teach my students that deadlines don’t matter if someone complains loudly enough.
Still, I feel uneasy about it.
So, AITA?
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