“AITA for being sad about our wedding and engagement?”
I (23F) got engaged to my husband (27M) in September of last year. We had to plan a rushed wedding. His father was sick with and we knew he was at the end of his fight.
We decided to get married exactly 2 months after we got engaged so his father would see his only child get married. It was truly the most beautiful thing I’ve even been apart of, and his father passed away just 10 days after our wedding.
I really think that this is how it was meant to be, I would do anything for his family and him. Now, about 3 months later, I’m feeling really sad about this.
For a backstory, we didn’t live together and we still don’t because of how rushed it all was and us taking care of his father.
Every time we get a wedding invite or someone gets engaged, I just hysterically cry. I feel jealous of other people that they got this “happy” time in their lives to be fun and amazing and we and his family were struggling with great sadness.
A time that is supposed to be the best is filled with the sickness and decline of his dad, and it breaks my heart that this is how our time played out.
I guess in a selfish way, I wish that we didn’t get only 2 months engaged and I wish we got to experience all the phases of life slowly and at our pace, but if you were to ask me to go back in time and make the decision again to get married rushed, I would do it.
I guess I’m feeling like an a^%$ole for being so sad about this ( I however, know that my level of sadness will never even remotely amount to the level of my husband, which is why I don’t discuss this with him to this degree)but I also think my feelings are valid, what do you think? AITA?
Edit: This isn’t about the “wedding”, I honestly don’t really care about having a wedding or whatever, it’s more about enjoying the phases of life, slowly going through change, doing this when we are ready, etc.
Here’s what people had to day to OP:
herplaissado writes:
Of course you’re NTA, it’s natural to grieve when a (once in a lifetime) experience doesn’t go the way you thought it would. I had my child via unplanned C section 2 and a half years ago and I still occasionally get emotional when I see/hear stories about birth, even though I am ultimately so glad she made it here safely.
It sounds like you understand and appreciate the good things about your wedding experience, but you are mourning the fact that it was mired in so many difficult feelings. That is natural. Continue to process and I am wishing you healing and an easy cultivation of joy as y’all continue to live your own unique story.
fabulouswrite6 writes:
NAH. This is hard. You had specific circumstances that dictated how things had to be, and you all agree it was the right way to do things. But it meant that you did lose out on other things.
I think it’s natural to be sad about that. Sad, yes, but hysterical crying is a bit much, and I wonder if you might benefit from some counseling. Or from deliberately choosing to focus on something else. You still get to enjoy moving in together and picking out your first place together. Can you transfer your energy to that?
gonebythoughts writes:
You can always have an anniversary party that includes your wedding guests and elements of a more elaborate celebration. It’s nobody’s fault that his dad was dying, and it’s honestly small of you to begrudge other people this just because you didn’t have it. YTA.
YouthNAsia63
Your husbands father died months ago. Why aren’t you living together now? You are married, your FIL doesn’t require any more care. I think you aren’t just sad because of how rushed the whole wedding was. I think you are also sad because you don’t yet have a marriage. NTA
