My sister (28F) recently got engaged, and I’m genuinely happy for her. Even though we’ve grown apart and rarely see eye to eye, I still went to her engagement celebration because I knew how much it meant to her to have family support.

However, I (27M) have been engaged now for almost 2 years, and my family, especially my dad, has completely refused to support me. In our tradition, after the proposal the groom’s family is expected to formally meet with the bride’s family as an “introduction” that officially declares the intention of joining the two families.

After my proposal I was eager to organise this introduction, letting my fiancé’s family prepare to host my family but my dad flat-out refused to attend. He said he ‘did not want to be involved’. My mother refused to challenge him on his decision and neither my sister nor my brother (23M) reached out or tried to advocate for me. I had already planned a date with my fiancée’s family, so it was entirely disrespectful to her and her family, and humiliating and hurtful for me to have my parents shut us down like that.

I believe that because my dad has disapproved of our relationship from the beginning, he thought that without his involvement the marriage would not happen. My fiancée and I decided we weren’t going to let their rejection stop us from moving forward and we’ve been making wedding plans without them. We wanted to honour our tradition but not at the cost of our happiness.

With my sister now engaged, my dad has been over the moon and called me asking when I’d be available to attend her wedding introduction. I was immediately floored at the audacity. I listened to him talk about the importance of the event and after he finished, had to shut him down, reminding him that when I asked for the same support, he dismissed me completely. After this conversation, he texted me saying that now he wants to meet my fiancée’s family.

Honestly, I find it insulting and convenient that he’s only changing his tune now. Now he expects me to happily play along when I’ve moved on? I don’t want him involved in my relationship and I don’t want to be heavily involved in my sister’s wedding engagements either.

This is because my relationship with my sister is already severely damaged. Before I left home, whilst I was still dating my fiancée, I would constantly be demeaned and harassed by my parents for choosing to be with her. During this time my sister never supported my decision or defended me. Instead, she sided with them and hurled insults to me about me, my fiancé and her family to the point that I felt so isolated and depressed. I eventually moved out and went through therapy, but I’m still traumatised from the whole experience. I would consider my sister to be an enabler who repeats whatever my parents say without any critical thinking so I’ve learnt not to trust her to have my best interests at heart.

Now my mum is calling me, saying my dad finally coming around is what she’s been “praying for.” But to me, it feels like she never actually pushed my dad to change until it suited his agenda. My family care a lot about appearances, and I can’t shake the feeling that my dad only wants me involved now to maintain the image of a “perfect family”.

So AITAH for refusing to be involved in my sister’s wedding preparations and not letting my dad suddenly insert himself into my relationship after years of rejection?