AITAH for telling my daughter’s boyfriend he can’t sleep over anymore after he yelled at her at 2am?
I’m a mom (45F) and my daughter is 19. She lives at home while doing community college and working part time. Her boyfriend (20) has been staying over sometimes, like 1-2 nights a week. I was fine with it because he’s usually polite, helps clean up after dinner, and they keep to themself. My only hard rules were: be respectful, keep it quiet after midnight, and if you’re arguing you take it outside or you stop. My daughter knows I am not trying to be the morality police, I just don’t want my house to feel tense or unsafe.
Two nights ago I woke up to loud voices in the hallway. Not like normal talking, like angry. I opened my door and I hear him saying “are you serious” and “you always do this” and then he raised his voice and basically barked “SHUT UP” at her. It was 2am. My daughter was crying and telling him to lower his voice. He kept going, pacing, and it felt like he wanted an audience. I stepped out and told him to stop yelling in my home. He said “we’re fine” in this gross dismissive tone, like I was a random lady. I told him, no, you’re not fine, you’re waking everyone up and you’re talking to her like that in my hallway. He muttered something and went back into her room and slammed the door. That was the moment I decided I was done pretending this is normal.
The next morning, I sat them down. I told him I don’t care if couples argue, but screaming at my kid at 2am is not happening under my roof. I said for now, he can visit during the day but he is not sleeping over anymore. He started apologizing and doing the whole “I was stressed, I had a bad day, I didn’t mean it like that” thing. Maybe he meant it, maybe not. But I told him I don’t need excuses, I need him to not do it again and I can’t trust that right now. My daughter got mad at me and said I’m treating him like an abuser and I’m “making it a bigger deal” because he didn’t hit her and he said sorry. She also said I’m embarassing her and making her choose. I told her I’m choosing peace in my home, and also I’m choosing her, even if she hates me for it. Now she barely talks to me and keeps saying I’m controlling and that I “just don’t like him.” I actually did like him before this. AITAH for banning overnight stays after one bad night?
