“AITA if I returned a gift because it was expensive?”

So background info; my best friend’s (F19) older brother (M22) has had a crush on me (F19) for a couple of years. A while ago we were out drinking and he confessed and then tried to repeatedly convince me to go out with him after telling him no. Our friendship was kinda ruined after that :/

So we’ve been slowly working up being friends again cus I’m still a little uncomfortable and he is a nice person. Anyway I told him specifically not to get me an expensive gift as I wasn’t going to get him anything big, our limit was $25-30. He ended up getting my a $40 indigo gift card (which was a little out of our range but still okay), and a signed photo of my favourite K-pop artist.

The issue other than signed K-pop photos being wildly expensive ($100 plus) is that it’s fake. I don’t really care that it’s fake it’s still beautiful and if he knew it was fake when he got it, it would only $20ish dollars. But he swears it’s real and I’m pretty sure he got scammed for a lot of money :/

I think (key word “think”) he got me something so expensive because he’s trying to impress me, 😒 and that makes me even more uncomfortable. But you know _ :/ _

Anyway, would I be TA if I gave the signed photo back to him so he could maybe get his money back. I already feel horrible that he spend that much on me and I got him something cheep (as we agreed on), but also that he probably spent a ton of money on something thats’ fake.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

owls_and_cardinals wrote:

I think you should let it go and not bring this up to him. I agree that either he was scammed or is trying to impress you – or both – and it does seem like he isn’t really respecting your boundary and your stated preference to be friends. To me it would be better to create some space with him and I see no real reason to return the gift or inform him of your thoughts on it.

Whether he spent $100 on it or not, you don’t owe him anything. I realize there is a fine line between wanting to impress someone and wanting to buy their affection, and I think it’s really important you don’t feel guilty or pressured to have a different kind of relationship with him than you want. You’ve made your feelings clear and this feels like he’s not respecting them.

OP responded:

I know I don’t owe him anything, it’s just difficult to put that into perspective :(. I think I will let it go tho. It prolly wouldn’t go across very very well. It still is thoughtful. I just hope he won’t get upset I got him something cheeper (he hasn’t opened my gift yet).

SafetyFluid8535 wrote:

NTA speaking from experience, there are definitely plenty of guys that will agree to stay friends when you say you’re not interested but then constantly be looking for little ways to make you develop feelings, from big gifts to holding hands too long, etc.

It’s good to shut it down and return the gift as too much – anyone he complains to will see you as a moral person, making sure to not lead him on or take advantage of his feelings.

And if you don’t and he keeps giving gifts and things he may then later say you were leading him on by accepting them (not that it would be right for him to say it but he will and some s**ist people will agree – it’s like the tourist scam some places of taking your picture and then insisting on charging for it after the fact).

As for if it’s fake or not, that’s not really your business once you’ve returned it. Depending on where you are, there may be laws protecting against fakes like that. If he is sure it’s genuine he can return it or resell it. If he thinks it’s fake he can report the seller.

OP responded:

Ugh I really hope he wouldn’t accuse me of leading him on. I still don’t know if I’ll return it or not. It’s a little difficult because I’m good friends with his entire family :/

maybe-theproblemisme wrote:

Personally, I would keep it if i wanted it. Reselling it isn’t going to get him un-scammed. Don’t let your insecurity about his intentions prevent you from keeping a gift if you actually want it.

His intentions are his responsibility alone. Your decision should be: do you want the item yes or no. However, I have been called TA before for thinking this way before (see my post about the IPAD my ex gave me after we broke up).

OP responded:

Ya I think some people will always think YTA in a situation like this. Like I get accepting the gift gracefully as to not be insulting but people get really touchy about getting shut down.

Little-Bad-Witch wrote:

I dealt with something similar but the circumstance was worse. Context: I’ve been with the same person for the past 15 years since high school, at the time of this happening, we’d been together for 10yrs(married for 2) and we’ve known the other person for 5 of those years.

Well we had a friend we met in college and were good enough friends that we had them as a roommate for a year. This friend knew I loved baking and bought an expensive (for him) food processor for Christmas for me. We realized later that he really liked me, like wanted to be with me, but he knew that we were married and still pushed boundaries.

We look at it now(no longer friends for a few reasons) and laugh since we got a free food processor, something I would’ve gladly gotten myself. Let it go and don’t worry too much, but you may want to look at your situation with your friend and ask yourself if you want that dynamic.

OP responded:

Oh wow that sounds so uncomfortable. People can be so pushy sometimes. I just adore the rest of his family and his sister (my BEST friend) so it’s a little hard to distance myself.

sunnyrainbows_13 wrote:

NTA- you don’t owe him anything and if you already expressed how you feel then ultimately it’s not your responsibility how he feels. ultimately, his decision to spend that much is his own and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. whether or not you want to keep the gift is up to you, but you dont have to feel guilty anymore and don’t owe him anything else.