• Am I The A’hole? (AITA)
  • AITA for being upset that my family didn’t get my kids Christmas presents?

    AITA for being upset that my family didn’t get my kids Christmas presents?

    What happens when a family’s Christmas tradition leaves two young children feeling left out? A mother, married into wealth but raised in a modest home, faced this painful moment when her family deliberately excluded her kids from receiving Christmas  gifts. Expecting a joyful holiday, she watched her son cry and her daughter fall silent after a speech about “good kids” getting  presents, only to find nothing for them under the tree.

     Family games

    The decision, made without warning, sparked hurt and a heated argument. Accusations of entitlement flew, but the real sting was the emotional toll on her children. This story uncovers the tension between family expectations and fairness, raising questions about how adults’ choices impact young hearts during the holidays.

    This image is not real, it was generated by AI to depict the situation of the story.

    ‘AITA for being upset that my family didn’t get my kids Christmas presents?’

    The mother introduces her family dynamics and the context of the holiday.

    I married into a wealthy family. My family is lower middle class so it was quite a change.. I have two kids (6f and 4m) that get more or less...

    Anyways, we decided to spend Christmas with my family and the day before Christmas Day (since my dad worked the actual day), my mom calls all the kids to the...

    The children’s disappointment unfolds as they find no gifts.

    After that, all of them quickly found theirs but my two kids kept searching and couldn’t find anything. My son was on the verge of tears and my daughter was...

    I asked my mom what was going on and my mom looked at me then at my kids and went “Oops! I thought you knew. We all decided that we...

    The mother learns the reasoning behind the exclusion.

    I asked her why and she said that they get more than they need from me and my in laws and that they all collectively decided to spend more on...

    She looked at my son who had tears running down his face and said “See, look at how spoiled he is, this is good for them.“ She then walked away.

     

     

    The mother decides to leave with her family.

    I quietly went back to the guest room and packed our things. I then called my husband who had offered to go grab my mom something from Walmart and told...

    A phone call with the mother escalates tensions.

     

     

    We managed to cheer the kids up and visited my in laws instead. A while later I got a call from my mother. She kept asking me why I disappeared...

    I told her VERY POLITELY that I didn’t like what she did to my children and that she or literally anyone else could’ve AT LEAST told me. My mom said...

    She then brought up my son crying again. I got pissed and told her that the reason he cried is because of her stupid speech about only good kids getting...

    We argued back and forth over this but then I ended up saying that she’s very lucky I didn’t snatch back the gifts I bought for my nieces/nephew. My mom...

    The mother faces criticism from her family.

    My sister texted me the same thing and my other sister said that I’m playing the victim when the real victims are them and their kids. My mom sent a...

     

     

    Additional details clarify the timeline and aftermath.

    Edit: Got the day wrong. It was the day before-not actually Christmas Day. My bad, its been a couple days. My dad worked Christmas Day so we opened presents the...

    1. The presents my husband and I got our kids were at our in laws since we were going there after a while anyways. 2. We told my in laws...

    Getting their presents cheered my daughter up. It cheered my son up as well but the speech my mom gave seems to be bothering him still.

    3. I’ve been using “Santa wasn’t done delivering presents” which again, seems to have mostly worked since they did eventually get things but I will be doing what a few...

    This conflict stems from a family’s decision to exclude a mother’s children from Christmas gifts, justified by their perceived wealth, causing emotional distress. The grandmother’s speech about “good kids” receiving gifts deepened the children’s hurt, while the mother’s departure reflected her protective instincts. The family’s accusations of entitlement reveal underlying resentment, escalating a lack of communication.

    The mother’s reaction was driven by her children’s pain, particularly her son’s tears, signaling a need to shield them from rejection. The family’s choice to exclude the kids without warning suggests jealousy or judgment about her lifestyle, undermining empathy. Their dismissal of the children’s feelings as “spoiled” ignored the emotional impact on young minds.

    Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes that “empathy in family interactions fosters trust and understanding, even across differences” (The Gottman Institute, 2019). Here, the family’s failure to consider the children’s perspective or communicate plans broke trust. The mother could have stayed calmer but acted to protect her kids.

    To mend this, the mother should explain to her children that the incident wasn’t their fault, using age-appropriate reassurance. The family needs an honest discussion about feelings and expectations, ideally mediated by a neutral party, to rebuild respect and avoid future hurt.

     

     

    Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

    The online community rallied behind the mother, condemning her family’s actions as cruel and driven by jealousy. Most users emphasized the emotional harm to the children, while a few noted the mother’s heated response but still supported her stance. The comments reflect strong disapproval of the family’s exclusionary tactics.

    Most commenters felt the family’s actions were unjust and harmful to the children.

    CanterCircles − Your mom made a big show to all the kids about Santa bringing presents because they were so good, all while knowing some kids didn't have anything under...

     

     

    And she thinks it's "good for them." Look, it might be one thing to maybe spend money differently on grandkids who have a lot verus grandkids who need a lot,...

    ManufacturerAfraid93 − NTA. Go NC, now. That’s horrible. They sound jealous of you, but bringing the kids into their issues is awful. Try to minimize the damage with your kids...

    ojdidntdoit4 − NTA. from your kids perspective santa didn’t get them anything because they weren’t good.

     

     

    i think if your family told you before hand they were getting gifts for everyone except your kids, you would have been able to get them something yourself and the...

    MattyJMP − NTA. This should be your hill to die on. This is probably the most heartless, pathetic thing I've ever heard. Your mum is way out of line. Your...

    I'd be cutting them out entirely unless they all sat down and apologised profusely and remorsefully. Truly vile behaviour. Feel sorry for your dad (as well as your husband and...

    OkConsideration8964 − NTA. Please understand that this means your family has been gossiping and complaining about you so much that they decided to exclude your kids to spite you. Their...

    SeApps63 − NTA A 4 and a 6 year old cannot comprehend the money involved. .they could have given them juice boxes and snacks wrapped up and it probably would...

    [Reddit User] − NTA what they did was cruel. They shouldn’t take their jealousy out on your children.

     

     

    WhiskeyRocksNeat − NTA. How cruel! She could have bought them a book or a toy, something to show love. Your family are jealous, you need to protect your kids from...

    Ok-Manufacturer27 − NTA. They're punishing your children because they disagree with the way you raise them.

    Giving a speech like that and then leaving a 4 and 6 year old out is cruel. Whether the way you raise them is "right" or "wrong" is out of...

    Excellent_Care1859 − NTA my guess is that your family is jealous of the life you lead and decided to take it out on the kids. I get not being able...

    This was purposely and maliciously done to hurt you and your kids. I’m not sure I would be able to let me kids spend time with people who treated them...

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    The_Real_Scrotus − NTA. Not getting your kids Christmas presents because your family has more money than the rest of the family is pretty crappy all by itself. But not even...

    [Reddit User] − NTA Your mom made your son cry sounds like she is jealous that you have money. Makes me wonder if your sister said something to her or...

    Since they are saying the same thing and your mom went out of the way to get her kids something. But not yours. I would go NC on both of...

    One user acknowledged the mother’s reaction but criticized her threat about gifts.

     Gift baskets

    Particular_Elk3022 − NTA Your children are far too young to be punished for their jealousy. Because that is exactly what your mother and family did. And the "good little boys...

    And victims? Of what? As for what you said about the gifts, yeah ick as their children don't need to be in the cross fire of this either. In your...

    some emphasized the psychological harm to the kids.

    jellyfish125 − NTA: the f__k? No! The kid ain't crying because he didn't get a toy he's crying because he wasn't good enough. And kids that age try extra hard...

    This is putting a seed of doubt in the kids head that maybe they are never enough. Honestly, I think you just need to not interact with them.

    They really should have also told you in the first place so that you could not have your kids in the room so they didn't know or hear the speech...

    Maybe tell her that she's lost the right to see her daughter and grandkids till she apologizes to everyone, and especially to the kids for saying they were naughty.

    They're kids. They are young enough they can't comprehend that it's not their fault, and when kids that age think everything is their fault, it fucks them up.

    KeepLkngForIntllgnce − Wow Say, OP - what do your family typically wear? I’ve always been curious how to style that much green and jealousy in daily life NTA You’re such...

    Kids the age of yours, don’t - unless the parents failed utterly - care about the actual cost or values of gifts beyond the happiness at comparing and the excitement...

    This story underscores the harm caused when adults let personal biases affect children. The family’s decision to exclude the kids from gifts, paired with a speech implying they weren’t “good,” left lasting emotional marks. The mother’s choice to leave protected her children, though her heated words risked escalating the conflict. It’s a reminder that open communication and empathy are vital to prevent misunderstandings from hurting the youngest family members.

     Family games

    How would you handle a family member excluding your kids from a tradition? Should wealth influence gift-giving, or is fairness more important for young children?

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