“AITA for telling my daughter I won’t break up with my girlfriend?”
My ex wife and I finalised our divorce proceedings a couple of years ago. I had fallen out of love with her for a multitude of reasons, the biggest being her emotional affair which lasted a couple of weeks.
My ex wife did try really hard to save the marriage, but my feelings for her had almost evaporated after her emotional affair. The divorce was painful, but it was also amicable because for both of us our daughter’s well being was our first priority.
I started dating my girlfriend last year, and I introduced her to my daughter a couple of months ago. My girlfriend moved in last month, and I plan on proposing to her at Christmas. My daughter, who’s 15 now, obviously has strong feelings about it and I understand it, but I think she will just have to get over it at some point.
My girlfriend is really nice to my daughter, and my daughter hasn’t really had any complaints about my girlfriend, she just thinks what I’m doing is very disrespectful to her mom. Last night, my daughter told me she doesn’t like my girlfriend, that she’s sleeping in the place her mom used to sleep in, sitting on the couch her mom used to sit on, etc.
She thinks my girlfriend looks very happy because it’s a dream come true for her to live such a nice life, and it’s not fair to her mom. I told my daughter I wasn’t going to break up with my girlfriend, in fact, I was going to marry her next year. I told my daughter she doesn’t have to like my girlfriend, but she will have to get over it. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
Limeinternational856 wrote:
YTA for your attitude towards your daughter. She is still coming to terms with your divorce and telling her to basically suck it up is only going to push her away. She can legally cut you off completely in three years, is that a risk you want to take?
UnlikelyRegret7938 wrote:
Wait…you started dating last year (so you’ve been together for about 1 year), your daughter just met her (about two months ago) and she’s already moved in? Now you’re telling your daughter you’re marrying her?
For your daughter, that’s way too fast! She didn’t even had the time to know your girlfriend. Of course she doesn’t like her.
Yes, YTA for telling your daughter that instead of listening to her and talking to her about what’s going on.
Chaoticgood790 wrote:
YTA you introduced them and now you’re moving her in and proposing in the span of a few months. Like in terms of shit parenting this is it. She barely had time to get used to the news and you keep springing more shit on her.
Do better.
Bricknuts wrote:
YTA for moving her in a month after introducing them, obviously. You kind of glossed over a lot of things so I suspect it was less than that too.
Sea-Wash7005
Man that timeline is just messed up…
You have left almost zero room for your daughter to get to know your new girlfriend. Of course she’s going to dislike this woman taking her mother’s place. They are essentially still strangers.
BunnyLebowski-
Not even looking at the timeline, his comments about the ex wife are weird. Like he hasn’t processed what happened or maybe he was already done with the marriage and this was his out. Idk. Also being like, my daughter will get over it/fall in line. Yuck. Hope this second marriage works out because he’s putting it before his child
2npac wrote:
So the last sentence of your first paragraph is a complete lie then? YTA. She’s clearly struggling with the divorce and your response was to throw it in her face that you don’t give a shit what she thinks – she just has to get the f-k over it.
Some dad you are. Get to the bottom of her issues. Listen to why she’s struggling. Get her into therapy. Divorce might have been amicable for you and your ex but your daughter was also involved and impacted.
Cool-Ground-3052 wrote:
YTA. Not for having a girlfriend, but for how you’re treating your daughter. Telling her to “get over it” isn’t gonna help her process anything. The last year or so of her life has been so unstable and you keep adding to it. Is your stubborness and callousness worth losing your child? Grow up, stop acting like a selfish petulant teenager, and have an actual conversation.
For f sake good parents at least consider their childs feelings. I’m not saying break up with your GF but slow down and help her! If your GF cared about your daughter like you claim, she would/should understand. If you keep down the path you’re on, then your daughter is going to resent you, go NC, and live with her mom. But hey, you’ll just have to get over it.
Rutabaganormal1912 wrote:
YTA. Your daughter didn’t even ask you to break up based on your description. Your minor daughter attempted to communicate with you, and you, the supposed adult, just went “get over it”. Just because you don’t like what your child has to say or how they say it doesn’t mean you get a pass to stop parenting.
It’s not a child’s job to be convenient for you. It’s your job to help her identify and navigate her feelings and you failed. If this is a chronic issue with you, 5 years from now you’ll be posting in R/advice or R/vent about how your daughter is NC and you don’t understand why.
