Am I the asshole for not liking gambling and am being controlling? PLEASE FULL HONESTY.
woman 29. previous stay at home mom for 10 years.
ive been in a relationship for 11 years with a man who has been through and recovered from substance abuse. mainly alc and 
. his last relapse was over a year ago. during this relapse he picked up gambling. during this relapse he took money from me, cheated on me with hookers, left the house (kicked out once i found out) and got the car repo while I was a SAHM. I built my life from the ashes since he relapsed and have done decent enough. its still a struggle financially. I make around 2000 a month. everything financially is on me bc he has wage garnishment and I have a class schedule that is hard to work around for most jobs for him I guess? bevause I cant afford childcare he watches the child while I work and go to school both full time. gambling has been an issue since he got sober whether its lying or taking my money and I have made rules saying no gambling or were done but then realized 1. I dont have control over someone and 2. maybe I was being too harsh by saying no gambling and he can control it if he isnt on stimulants. he is drug tested though because that comes down to the safety of my child and that is not up for discussion.
. his last relapse was over a year ago. during this relapse he picked up gambling. during this relapse he took money from me, cheated on me with hookers, left the house (kicked out once i found out) and got the car repo while I was a SAHM. I built my life from the ashes since he relapsed and have done decent enough. its still a struggle financially. I make around 2000 a month. everything financially is on me bc he has wage garnishment and I have a class schedule that is hard to work around for most jobs for him I guess? bevause I cant afford childcare he watches the child while I work and go to school both full time. gambling has been an issue since he got sober whether its lying or taking my money and I have made rules saying no gambling or were done but then realized 1. I dont have control over someone and 2. maybe I was being too harsh by saying no gambling and he can control it if he isnt on stimulants. he is drug tested though because that comes down to the safety of my child and that is not up for discussion.well, imo he keeps hiding stuff. which is lying. about how much money he is making on apps or doordash ect. he doesnt tell me where hes going in my car, he doesnt tell me how much money he has. but in the last year he has contributed 110 snd 130. total. all. completely. while I faced shut offs, losing things and going without basic necessities like hygiene stuff that only applies to me and not the family. ive said “anything over 10 or 20 dollars tou come into please let me know or just give it to me or just pay something” he doesnt. I find out by glancing over his shoulder and seeing his phone screen. which his face is always in a phone screen.
he doesnt clean and that is another issue that is constantly brought up because my house is trashed.(it is my house i own it my name only) constant. and I do not have the time to do cleaning and even if I did im exhausted. I work full time on my feet and am in a hard program for school. ive been in counseling since I was 13 and hes never been and its now reacjing a point where it feels like im talking to a wall. i was codependent for a long time, but i am in NARANON and worked on it with my counselor so i still might have tendencies. I do yell a lot bc I just feel like nothing else works. I yell so much. and I want to stop. I feel like a monster.
tonight he implied I prevent him from gambling bc i wont give him money. and he kept implying that I need money so bad but wont let him make it bc j wont give me my hard earned money to literally gamble away. I make barely 2000 a month some months.
I am all for equal division of labor but it feels like its all on me. I even homeschool my child bc he doesnt do the workbooks with the child.
am I the asshole? am I controlling?? am I the reason he keeps doing sneaky shit? do men just gamble now? ? i promise I wont be combative in the comments if you tell me the truth 
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